It was all so unfamiliar, the noise, the warmth, the people. Tonks realised with a start that she had difficulty remembering her time with the Order of the Phoenix before, all there was to her certain memory was the past few months. She recognised most people, but it did not make the prospect of her first breakfast there any less daunting. She'd tried so hard to be careful with what she wore, long sleeved jumpers and baggy trousers, something that hid what she wanted to keep hidden. The house was alive with the buzz of people, of Molly and the many children on break, with Sirius and Remus already drinking- how she wished she could join them in that. From the hall, she could see clearly into the kitchen, into a family scene in which she felt an intruder.
"Dora?" The harsh voice startled her, and she turned with a start, automatically reaching for the wand that hadn't been there in months. Mad-eye Moody was stood behind her, having moved seemingly silently to do so.
"Alastor." She smiled weakly, drawing the loose folds of fabric further around herself, "How did you know I was here?" The question was automatic, and she couldn't help but giggle a little as she realised what she had said. It was a strange noise, and it seemed almost wrong coming from her lips; but nevertheless she welcomed it, and felt an indescribable rush of joy at being able to do so without being afraid.
"Good to see you smiling, lass." The old man nodded grimly, fixing her under the gaze of his magical eye, but he too let what remained of his mouth curl ever so slightly upwards, "Breakfast?" He gestured towards the doorway, beyond which bustled the welcoming warmth of a Molly Weasley meal. It had been so long since she had last eaten properly, the months with the wolves had shown just bread and water, if that, and the food of Malfoy Manor was so rich her weakened body could not cope and rejected it most nights.
As she entered the compact room, silence fell. All eyes fell to the doorway, all ten or so people looking straight at her. The fear in her system was colossal, threatening to envelope her in its icy grip as a tense silence hung in the air.
"Nym?" Sirius rose to his feet from the other side of the table, unsteady despite it not yet being past nine, "Are you okay, love?" She nodded, unsure of anything else to do- his concern was genuine, but she did not want sympathy or, come to think of it, breakfast.
"May I go home?" She turned to Moody, speaking in a quiet voice even though everybody could hear every word anyway, "Just for a bit, to see it again. I'll be okay to go alone."
"You are not going alone." Alastor said gently, slowly leading her from the kitchen, away from prying eyes, "Its not safe to leave you, not yet, I'll take you there, if that's what you want?" Silently, she nodded, feeling somewhat comforted at the familiar feel of Dante's tiny hand slipping into her own. The silence lingered as they made their way down the hall, a trio of broken, damaged, but brave warriors. Tonks watched the troll's leg umbrella stand from the corner of her eye, and almost winced as her numerous, enforced balance charms, courtesy of Narcissa (tired of broken crockery) and a begrudging Severus, carried her straight past it without incident.
The front door of 12 Grimmauld Place swung shut behind them, and Nymphadora and Dante took their first step together into the sunlight. It was a warm day with a light spring breeze, and it was everything that she had always missed about freedom. Half a year she had spent locked away, through winter and snow and the beginning of spring, but finally, there was hope. She would begin again with the new life, bud with the flowers and grow as a person beside the swaying trees.
The walk to her flat was a short one, no more than five minutes, but it was one of the best she had experienced, and the smiling child by her side could only confirm that. There was still the same number of stairs up the block to her room, and she still counted each one, but she didn't stumble at the top, and that felt somehow wrong. The door looked just like the other hundred or so in the block, rotting and cheap, but it was hers, and she was home again. It creaked open with the familiar, dulcet note that for once caused her no annoyance, and the light still flickered when turned on.
"We kept it tidy for you." Mad-Eye told her with a brisk nod, but it didn't hide the relief that she had not changed so much as to forget.
"It's the nicest I've ever seen it." Tonks smiled weakly, the joke rolling unfamiliar off of her tongue. She had not made one in so long, the feeling seemed new, and strange. Tonks walked slowly from the hall to the kitchen, taking every last detail in and doing her best to remember the life that she had left behind, "I don't think I'm strong enough to do this." She murmured, slowly taking a seat on the sofa and allowing Dante to climb onto her lap. Alastor sat beside her, sighing slightly as she involuntarily flinched away from him.
"You are, Dora." He spoke softer than he had ever done before, doing his best to be calming despite sincerity always having been his biggest weak point, "You are the strongest woman I've ever met, better than anyone, and every last one of the people who love you as their own family will do whatever they can to make things right for you. I'm not asking you to forget, to pretend it never happened, I'm asking you, reminding you, just how strong you are. You've gotten this far, and not just on your own, and together, we'll all help you get a little further." It was extremely unlike him to fall into the sentimental, caring speech, but it would only be once, and for the girl he loved as a daughter, it was the least the battle hardened auror felt he could do.
"After everything, you still care; after I've been to hell and back, I still have you." When Tonks spoke again, her voice was little more than a whisper, fragmented and hoarse from the lump in her throat, "What he did to me, I can't forget, but I need to fight him, fight what happens in my head, but I don't think I can."
He had seen her cry before, having trained her in one of the most physically and mentally demanding jobs in existence, but never before like she did when sat on that sofa. Small and defenceless, she sobbed like a child lost and alone, holding Dante to her chest as though he was her last remaining spark of light in a world plunged into darkness. She said nothing, except for a simple phrase that she repeated over and over like a mantra, "I am his, and I love him for that." Her hands shook as she ran them through her hair, speaking not with her voice, but with the voice of a different person entirely. There could no longer be any doubt of exactly how deeply Greyback had infiltrated her mind, he had taken advantage of the stolen wands and of his wish for obedient prisoners.
The Stockholm Syndrome was all too evident in the girl, who calmed only after Remus arrived and pulled her into his arms. She was suffering beyond what she deserved, and it could only have been the beginning.
YOU ARE READING
The Taste Of Revenge
Fanfiction"I warned you pup. She's tempted you away, and I can't have that." Nymphadora Tonks has gone missing, and of course Remus blames himself. But when the Order begin receiving threats from Fenrir Greyback's pack, it becomes clear that perhaps his fea...
