14 reasons why||Clay Jensen (Discontinued)

5)Tape 2 Side A

I had woken up, my headphones on my head, a new tape playing.

"You've heard of the butterfly effect. Right?

I had walked to school when I noticed Clay staring at a 'you're not alone' poster. "You know... They put that up so the school wouldn't have another Hannah Baker" I said. He looked at me.

"That if a butterfly flaps his wings at just the right time, in just the right place... It can cause a hurricane a thousand miles away.

"It's chaos theory. But, see, chaos theory isn't exactly about chaos. Its about how a tiny bit of change in a big system can affect everything. Chaos theory. Sounds dramatic, but it's not. Ask a mathematician​. Or better yet, ask someone who's been in a hurricane."

you want to help?" Marcus asked, approaching us. "Do I want to help?" Clay repeated. "Do you want to help? Put up posters?" Marcus said. "I would say I would love to, but then I would be lying" I said. Marcus rolled his eyes. "No. No thanks. Marcus" Clay quickly said after looking at the poster. "Come on, school spirit" he said. "What spirit does this school have?" I asked. "Shut up Y/n! All right? Making a contribution" Marcus said, "Giving back". "Giving back to who exactly?" Clay asked. No one answered as the band warmed up. "Why are they playing in the courtyard?" Clay asked.

I walked away from Clay and Marcus, going into the school. Everyone walked around, pushing each other to get places.

I walked into the bathroom, looking in the mirror. I looked like I haven't slept in days. I slid against the wall, forcing my earbuds in my ear.

"Maybe you think I'm being silly. I'm some stupid girl who gets all worked up over a little thing. But little things matter. For instance, you never told me when you started dating Jessica. But I remember just how it ended. With your list".

I remember Alex's list. It didn't seem so bad to get worked up over. Alex was just being Alex, he was being a male. "Hannah, your making me crazy" I said to myself, getting off the bathroom floor.

"Alex we haven't talked since you two got together. And then it seemed like maybe you might not be together anymore".

Jessica said that commitment is hard for Alex. A lot of things are hard for a lot of us.

"Is that why you did it Alex?"

I walked past the office seeing Mrs.Baker in there. I sighed really loud. Why? Why does she have to be here now? I headed straight towards the entrance of the school.

"Maybe you say it's nothing, Alex. It's just words".

While I was walking out the school I noticed Tyler taking picture of Courtney by the flowers everyone brought for Hannah. "Is there anything creepy you don't do?" I asked sarcastically.

Flashback

"Hannah" Clay called as me and Hannah walked out the school. "Morning Helmet" she said. "Hi Clay" I said. "Hi" He said. A smile grew wide on my face. "Urgent question" Hannah said. "Oh my" i whispered. "Have you noticed anything weird about Alex lately?" She asked. "Um... Well, his hair's weird, but that's not new" Clay said. "Alex is fine, I'm sure" I added.

"His hair is awesome" Hannah said to Clay. "His hair is both" I said. "I didn't say it wasn't awesome, it's just, like, distinctive" Clay responded. Why is he so weird around her? "And he's an amazing dresser" Hannah said. "Hannah... stop" I said. "You could take a few lessons" Hannah said. "You were talking to Clay, right?" I asked. "The both of you" Hannah asked.

"I totally could" Clay said. "I totally couldn't" I remarked, earning a nudge in the side by Clay. "And I'm glad we got around to my failings because I was wondering when we would get to that" Clay stated. "Are you two working tonight?" Hannah asked. "Yeah, we're all in at six" He answered, "speaking of tonight, I don't know if you know this, but there's a Penumbral Lunar Eclipse at 11:49".

"A what?" Hannah asked. I looked at her shocked. "It's only the most beautiful thing you'll see" I answered...

Flashback over

I started slowly fading back into the normal time. I sat on my bed, me being the only one home.

"Maybe Alex... you were just being a douche".

I stared around my room, it not feeling same. All I could do was stare out the window and hope the view didn't change. It was the only thing perfect in the moment.

After School was over

I sat on my bed, when I heard a knock on the door. "Yes?" I said as I opened the door to Clay. "What?" I asked. "Why weren't you in school? I mean... why did you leave?" Clay asked. "Hi to you too" I remarked, "I didn't feel like school today". "None of us do, but we deal" Clay said. "Hannah didn't deal! She broke the glass and left us to clean it up! She left me to clean it up! You!" I shouted. "Hannah was depressed. She felt like she had no one" Clay argued. "She had me! She had you! She had people... She just didn't want to believe it!" I yelled. "You left her" Clay said. "I guess you did too" I said, "Clay, get out". "Y/n... wait"--- "Get out!" I shouted. I started walking up the stairs, but before Clay walked out the door I had one more thing to say. "Hannah pulled your heart around like she was you around like she was your puppet master, yet you always seemed to admire her. Why?" I asked. "Cause Hannah knew what she wanted. She always spoke her mind" Clay said from the door, "That's the difference between you two. She was fighter, not a quiter". "You wanna know another difference... I'm alive. She's dead" I said, walking up the steps. Once I heard the front door slam shut I slid against my door, hugging my knees. I just fought with Clay. My crush. Life wouldn't get any easier. It would just get more complicated.