Saving the Stranger Prince (The Stranger Prince Series #2)

Chapter 17: Broken and Beautiful.

"We fear things because we value them. We fear losing people because we love them. We fear dying because we value being alive. Don't wish you didn't fear anything. All that would mean is that you didn't feel anything."
- Lord of Shadows, by Cassandra Clare.

♚

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.

Sebastian focused on the sound of the clock, ticking away in the silence. It was surprising, how with a tick a moment of your life passed by. A moment you would never be able to live again. Sometimes the passing away of moments felt painful. Like you never wanted time to go by.

Sometimes, it was just a relief.

He shook his head, taking yet another sip of the half empty bottle of Bourbon in his hand. He wanted it to numb him, he wanted it to make his brain not drift to places he didn't want it to go.

But even Bourbon was reminding him of her. Heck, his own existence reminded him of her. How could he end it?

His heart was divided, split into two. One part wanted to go back to the days where they could sit over the roofs. Where they could drink all they wanted, hiding away from their parents. But the other part was helpless.

He couldn't blame the other part. All it wanted was to save Sebastian from facing all the heartache that he had faced all too much in his life. Hadn't he had his fair share of misery till now?

One part was sensible.

The other part was reckless. Suicidal.

There was a faint knock on the door, and he managed to call out for whoever it was to come in. Was he expecting her?

No, he didn't think she'd come to him now. He had done as much damage till now as he could. As much as he could muster up. He didn't know how much more was his cruel heart capable of doing.

You love it when you see her cry, don't you? He thought to himself, You love it when you see her in misery, because it kills you. Spreads like poison all over your body. And you love the pain, you love it.

And then he thought, with horror. He might be acting like a stone hearted bastard, but his mind enviously drifted to the one thing that had been bugging him ever since. Maybe, just maybe, Adela had managed to soften something inside him permanently.

He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling like his eyes were burning.

But think. Maybe she really was the cure. The cure to his sickness. His cruelness. Maybe all he needed to return to sanity was her.

But all of it was so complicated. It hurt if he didn't have her. But it hurt even more when she was taken away from him once he had her.

"Your Highness."

He heard a voice, and struggled to remember who it belonged to.

"Jack." He said, opening his eyes slowly to see the figure of the soldier standing in front of him. He had his hands folded in front of him. He slightly bowed down, before he stood straight.

"Are you alright?" He said, concern in his voice.

Sebastian distantly remembered Jack telling him to let go. At the time when Sebastian had been hurt, when he had been shattered into pieces, Jack had given him the idea of breaking free of the misery.