I'm Scared of Falling

//unedited\\

So basically, I'm scared of heights. I have never been a fan of them. I've always been a rather tall fellow, and quite awkward as well. No one knew about my fear because it had never become an issue with the things I did with my friends. Sure, the one time they all wanted to go to an amusement park I somehow got called in for a shift at the cafe I worked at. Lucky, huh?

That brings us to my current situation.

"Bungee jumping!" Eren exclaimed as everyone waited for him to tell us. "Levi's uncle owns this little business that does it- they're safe and certified -and he agreed to let us all come and make a day of it!" he told us. Everyone's eyes lit up and they began chatting amongst themselves, telling each other how excited they were. My heart was pounding in my chest and I didn't know how I was going to get out of this. I jumped someones arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"Bert, this is going to be so sick! I can't wait. You and I are going together in a double." he told me with a grin. I laughed nervously. Everyone told Eren that they were in, and they all looked at me for question.

"Well, Bertolt, what do you say? Are you in?" Ymir asked nonchalantly. I scratched the back of my head.

"I have to work that day. I'm sorry, you guys can go." I said with a smile.

"Hey Bert?" I hummed in response to my best friends, and my crush of four years, question. "We haven't told you the day yet." Ah shit.

"Oh." was all I said. "Well you know what happened last time-"

"I've already talked to your boss. She said it was fine as long as you didn't die." Eren informed me proudly, as if that were the greatest, most chivilarist thing he could do and to him it probably was. I always worked, but I didn't mind doing it. I made coffee for people, baked pastries, and decorated cakes. It was my dream.

"Oh." I said once again, my heart pounding in my chest once more as I thought of my impending doom. I could just picture the cord malfunctioning, and me falling to my death. Of course, I would be with my best friend but that was aside the point. I was not ready to die under any circumstances.

"This is going to be so great! I can't wait until we do this!" Reiner exclaimed as he hugged me from the side. I wanted to tell them all no, I really did, but seeing how happy it made them made me not want to be the one to ruin it.

And so here I was the night before the day I died. I was panicking more than I ever had in my life. No one ever asked about my biggest fear, and most of my friends simply figured the only thing I was scared of was socialization. I wasn't exactly fond of that either but I could handle that any day over standing six hundred feet above the water.

The only thing my friends could talk about was this little suicide attempt that we had signed up for. Honestly, why pay to kill yourself? It was insane really, and that wasn't just because I didn't like heights. Who wants to take chances of a stretchy cord breaking while you're still swinging around? Not this guy. I was sweating buckets just thinking about the whole thing. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep at this point, seeing as how we would be heading out in a few hours. It was already nearing two in the morning and I hadn't slept a wink. Honestly I hadn't slept much in the past few days just thinking about it.

What was I thinking? Why couldn't I just tell them all no when I clearly didn't want to do it? Why was I such a nice person? Even Marco said he didn't feel comfortable going- of course Jean basically begged him to go anyway -and he's the nicest guy to walk the earth. Honestly someone should give him a medal.

I wanted to scream about how terrified I was about the whole entire scenario. I wished that I had the heart, or lack thereof, to tell them all that I got sick overnight with something I had eaten, but just the mere thought of Reiner having his heart broken by that news just crushed me. I couldn't tell that guy no on anything no matter how bad it was. I've never done anything weird or illegal, but I'm sure that if he asked me to kill a man for him I would consider it if he had a good enough reason.