Struggles of the empty soul

Mourning

23/1

I've been putting off writing about this subject for a while because I couldn't bring myself to come to terms with the reality of the situation I was in. I didn't realise it, not until I got rid of the feelings, the memories, the emotions.

*couldn't write anymore about it at the time, it still felt like an open wound so I left it for a bit*

19/2

I take it back, I didn't get rid of shit, I can't. Those feelings, those memories , those emotions, have shaped me into the person I've become now. I don't know whether to thank him or hate him for it. I've become less trusting, more conscious and far less open than I was before I was with him. I guess that's made me more self aware about the people I let enter my life.

None the less he's taken parts of me and hasn't returned them, the things that I loved about my character I can't seem to get back. I use to be so much happier then. I would allow myself to grow attached and give love to whom ever was in my life.

I can't do that now. I've guarded my emotions to an extent were I don't even trust the closest people around me anymore. As if they're about to up and leave too, what's stopping them, nothing.

I'm in a pit of unhappiness and despair. It's really my own fault for having so much hope and faith into a relationship that damaging on both ends. We were ruining each other and not realising it. Day by day, issues kept creeping their way into the love that we had for each other and ultimately poisoning it.

Authors note***

I never got round to finishing this, I couldn't bring myself to do it, and I don't feel those feelings anymore so it would be wrong of me to continue writing about them as if they're still there. So there you have it, an incomplete note to self I guess (or whatever this is)

Additional authors note***

I had a bunch of other stuff written down on a piece on a paper that I didn't have time to type up, but if you want to read that then I'm sure I can find it and post it.. if you guys are interested