"I'm so sorry," Shawn whispered. His arm was on my thigh, running his thumb up and down in circled motions. We sat in the Jeep, in his driveway.
"Don't be. It wasn't your fault," the flower in my hand still laid neatly in my lap.
"So, what happened after? Mind if I ask?" Shawn said, his face showing an immense amount of sorrow. His voice was still soft and sweet of that was even a thing.
"Life. Life happened. I didn't want to cry over something I never had," I say. Pushing my head off the glass, I opened to door. My arms and legs weak, my mind tired, and eyes wide awake, I tried to step out, but soon almost falling.
"Here, I got you," Shawn lifted the his door open and walked around, lifting me off the ground. He carried me bridal style into his house. The lights flicked on when he walked in, making my eyes snap down. He walked up the stairs, showing no sign of struggle from carrying me.
He walked down the hall, finding his bedroom. Clean as usual with his white walls and large windows looking over the beach. The only light was from a small lamp in the corner, giving off a comfy and warm light. He sets me down gently, gliding over to the other side. My eyes lowered and looked at my feet sprawled below me. I felt eyes burning my head, even if it was the most softest eyes I've ever seen.
"Here. There's so clothes in the closet. Go ahead and change while I'll get us ice cream. Vanilla okay?" He asked. His voice was a whisper as if I could float onto his words. I nodded my head, and he smiled. It wasn't a 'I'm so happy I could explode' smile, more of a 'I'm glad you're totally communicating' smile.
He leaves the door open, just a small crack. I fired myself off the cloud of softness and walk over to the white closet doors. I turn on it's light, walking inside. I find some sweatpants and a large t shirt, and fit it over my head.
When I finished changing, I made my clothes into a neat pile to the side of the closet. Of course, Shawn's clothes were too big, but they made me love them even more. His scent, which was like vanilla and cologne, lingered on my skin as I laid back down. The comforter indulged me and made me drown.
Shawn walked back in with two bowls this time. He handed me one and smiled. He sat down, starting to dig in, as did I.
"Does your mom know? How bout Victoria?" He asks, ice cream in his mouth. He had a little bit on his lip. I take my thumb and swipe it, my touch affecting him softly. I wipe it on my (actually Shawn's) pants and slowly shake my head no.
"And I intend to keep it that way," I spoke. I looked up, meeting his eyes. His look was unreadable, making my mind race. I took another bite, making me shut up.
The eventually turned the tv on, filling the room of artificial silence. Neither of us wanted to speak, or at least, I didn't. Shawn finished his ice cream, as did I, and put both bowls on the nightstand.
"Maybe I should tell you something that I haven't told anyone, you know, to make it even," Shawn spoke, trying to start communicating with me.
"If you want to. I don't want to force anything if you're uncomfortable," I say, eyes still glued on the tv. He sighed and scooted closer to me, turning down the volume as well.
"I was once really, what's the word... insecure as a child," he started off slow. Taking a deep breath, he continued.
"I would always sit in the back of class, never rose my hand, and had a few friends. I was the definition of a loser, you could say," he smiled and looked down at me. I smiled, snuggling closer to him. I laid down, putting the comforter closer to my face, and he laid back on the bed frame, sitting upright as his hand played with my hair.
"In middle school, I was getting better at making friends. Still, I wasn't happy and I freaking hated everything at my school. Anyway, there was this girl-"
"Oooooo!" I said, giggling. He scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"As I was saying. This girl was pretty, but not the definition of beautiful-" he coughed, "like you-" another cough. I punched him in the side and he barked a laugh.
"My friend Brian said I should call her or be partners with her for an upcoming history project. I thought that was a great idea, that way, she could come over and chill at my place." The took a deep sigh.
"Here's where things got messy. We got paired up, mostly because I asked the teacher and plead to pick us as a pair. Irrelevant but, I invited her over. She said she'd rather go to her house, so I went there."
"Can you get on with it? I might fall asleep," I yawned on cue.
"Hold on. Anyway, so I got to her house and started to work on the project. She had a little brother who wouldn't stop asking questions. I had to keep answering to sound, like, professional and charming. Her brother thought it would be so funny to take my glass of water, that I had previously asked for, and spill it on my- area."
"Your crotch?" I asked, jerking up. His cheeks were a crimson red, even in the dark light.
"It doesn't stop there. The next day, I over heard her say I was too 'nerdy' for her. She said I knew the answer for all dumb questions. She was using me for the project," he awkwardly put a hand behind his neck, scratching his hair.
"I paid her $20 to keep the pants thing a secret, and thank the lord she did."
I laughed and couldn't stop. Shawn? A nerd? I couldn't believe it. He tried to make me stop, but the thought of his pants wet as well made me crack up. Shawn was suddenly hovering over me, making me calm down a bit.
"It's not funny. I never told anyone," he whispered, harshly and with force.
"I'm sorry. Technically, people do know about that. That girl does. But, just the fact of you wetting your pants-" another round of laughter hit me.
"I didn't wee my pants! It was her brother!" He chuckled as well, following suit.
"I thought you said it wasn't funny!" I said, looking up at his caramel eyes.
"You're laugh. Once again, is contagious," he smiled. His teeth were perfect, white and perfectly aligned. When he smiled, his eyes made wrinkles in the side. Not like old wrinkled, but, cute ones.
Shawn moved over and straddled me and his hands found the side of my head, almost pinning me down. My breath quickened as he leaned closer. I swear he could hear my heart bursting through my ears.
Lightly, his lips brushed mine. My eyes fluttered down, making me look and only focus on his lips. Everything about this was right. I felt warm. I felt safe.
His face crashed on mine, and without hesitation, I kissed back. Our mouths moved in sink, making my stomach do flips, over and over again. My hands reached the back of his neck, pulling on strands of his soft, chocolate hair. A soft moan left my lips, making his turn into a smile.
His right hand made it to my waist, making his firm secure on me. His thumb rubbed against my skin, making the skin tingle as he lingered.
His mouth left mine and moved to my jawline, down to my neck, and my collarbone. Another moan left my lips, making myself relax with pleasure. I was suddenly cold when Shawn's lips left my skin.
"No," he said. He seemed to get tense. His muscles became stiff, and his eyes wouldn't stop moving.
"Shawn? Shawn, listen," I say, starting to worry.
"I can't do this to you. I-i don't want to hurt you. I can't," he started to stumble, his eyes watering. I knew he wouldn't cry, but he was in some type of shock.
"Shawn, listen. It's okay. I trust you. I don't feel intimidated by you at all. I love you-" I spat. I wanted to cover my mouth, but I couldn't.
"You- what?"
