High (A Harry Potter Fanfiction--Dramione)

Foot In Mouth

"Oh my god. I just realized I could do something cool. Know what it is? Know what my cool thing is?" Ginny was a charming stoner. "I can turn my taste buds on and off. Watch!" Ginny alternated between tensing and relaxing her facial muscles.

"Oh I see, babe. You're amazing!" Dean responded, delighted at his genius girlfriend.

"Lemme see." Hermione demanded. Ginny once again displayed her newfound talent. "Hmmm. I don't see it." Hermione murmured, a little sad.

They made an interesting picture, the five of them laying on their backs behind the Three Broomsticks. It was Hermione's idea that they go 'stargazing'. Never mind that it was three in the afternoon.

"Hey. You know what's weird?" Hermione addressed the group. "Wizards are like...awesome. Like...they can do stuff. They can wipe people's memories and make things fly. You think they'd find a better way to write stuff down. Like...quills kind of suck, you know. You have to buy ink and shit. Like...why don't they just invent a quill that never runs out of ink, and that like...fits in your pocket?"

"You mean like an ink pen?" Harry asked.

"No Harry. No. Oh-my-god-you're-so-high-right-now. You don't even know." Hermione pinched her nose in frustration. "Because ink pens run out of ink eventually. They should invent something like an ink pen, but it never runs out of ink."

"Hermione. That's. Fucking. Brilliant." Ron gaped. "You're going to be so rich, Hermione. I can't even handle it."

"Hey rich girl. This weed wasn't skank was it? S'good, right?" Dean turned to Hermione.

"My parents smoke way better stuff. Like now...I don't even feel it. I don't even feel my face."

"Psh. Rich girl." Dean muttered.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?" a familiar drawl announced the presence of a very unwelcome guest.

"Fuck! It's Fucking Ferret! Go away Fucking Ferret!" Harry rallied.

"What is this? Two Weasels, two Mudbloods, and one Chosen Git getting drunk in the middle of the day? Tsk, tsk. I wouldn't have thought that Granger could dislodge the broomstick from her arse long enough to do something bad. You know, as a prefect, I'm going to have to deduct points from Gryffindor for this?" Malfoy happily announced.

"What? That's fucking untrue. You can't just deduct points when we're away from school grounds." Hermione jumped to her feet to face the blond wizard.

"Even when you're toasted you can still recite school rules. Pathetic Granger."

"Fuck you, Ferret! For your information, none of us have had even a drop of alcohol. So joke's on you!" Hermione promptly laughed, falling back to the ground. Her four friends joined in laughter.

Malfoy watched, confused, as this went on for some time. He felt as though he had walked into an alternate reality where he didn't understand the form of humor. Or this was some reference to an inside joke which only Gryffindors found hilarious.

Fucking Gryffindors. As a collective they were, without a doubt, the stupidest people at Hogwarts, Granger or no Granger. And that was saying something, as he had hung around Crabbe and Goyle for six years.

"You guys are out of your fucking minds." Draco muttered, bored with the silly Gryffindors and their ridiculous, unsophisticated senses of humor.

More laughter. "Oh my god! That's what Hermione said this morning to us, right Harry! When she found us in the dorm and we were high!"

"Exactly like that! Hey, Ron! Hey...Ron! Who am I? 'You guys are out of your fucking minds.'" Harry drawled in a deep voice that was meant to be either Hermione or Draco, but actually just sounded like Harry with a deeper voice. At that, all five of the Gryffindors lost their minds.