Started At The Bottom

The Decisions

Aqua

I look out into the water watching the rain pour as I sit under a bridge eating my now mushy sub. It was something about being here that gave me hope.

I took another bite out of my sub loving the way it melts in my mouth and I relax against the concrete wall behind me.

Without realizing it my mind starts to drift back to a time I wish I could forget.

I was in my room laying on my carpet finishing up my last bit of homework for my college class before I plan on starting a new drawing in my art notebook.

"What the fuck is this Aqua" my mom ask angrily bursting through my room door as she threw a small box at my head.

I rub my head  and fix my bun as I pick up the box and I gasp when I realize it's the pregnancy test box, I regretfully  sit up in the criss cross position.

I feel my mouth open and close as I hesitantly look into her cold and enraged green eyes. I didn't expect her to find out like this.

I just found out last night I was pregnant.

My eyes drift over to my room door where I see my sister Gina and my brother Gilbert staring at me with complete disappointment.

I knew Gina was the one that told my mom...it was written all over her face. For some reason I always felt that Gina was jealous of me. I slowly stand up and create more space between my mom and me, knowing she can become aggressive.

"Mom I didn't mean for it to happen" I admit honestly as my mouth starts to feel dry. When she look down at my hand and see the pregnancy test box it was like she grew angrier.

"You're  not bring no damn baby up in this house, we already have enough mouths to feed" my mom snaps sharply with so much hatred in her voice that I flinch.

"First you go behind my damn back and get your nose pierced, then you get tattoos, and now you out here fucking without protection" my mom continues as she takes a couple of steps towards me pointing her finger at me.

"It wasn't even like that.." I tell her as I feel my voice crack.

"You are not my damn child, I don't know who the hell you are"  she suggest throwing her hands up.

I stay glued to my spot as I look down at my feet as I feel tears roll down my cheeks. I feel like a little kid that took a cookie without asking and getting caught by her mother.

"Get the shit that you bought and leave"  she demands as she throw a pair of my baggy black pants towards me. I don't attempt to grab them, I just pull my oversized hoodie further down my thighs.

"But where am I going to go?" I ask, voicing my thoughts as I look up at her.

"That's for you to figure out, since you want to be grown" she answers back as she turn to walk away from me.

I roughly wipe my tears from my face as I feel my anger building up.

"I don't understand why you so mad at me! When Gina got pregnant everything was peaches and cream and she was younger than me!" I yell throwing the box to the ground.