QUOTES- the Untold Truth of My Freshman Year

Chapter 1

I believe that music defines us. It expresses our thoughts and personality in a way that we can't do ourselves. I started off the school year listening to happy pop music and ended it listening to sad depressing rock songs. What does that say about me? How could me year start off so happy and take such a dark turn? Well... here's my truth. Whether or not you like it or agree with it, this is my version of the truth. I'm revealing everything. Everything.
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I've never been a happy person. I've struggled with it my entire life. I thought going to high school would make me happier and healthier as an individual. Little did I know, that it would and it wouldn't at the same time. I thought that during my first year of high school I would make so many friends. I did at the start but lost them towards the end. I was so excited in December when my best friend introduced me to her friend group. I instantly clicked with a lot of them. The ones that stuck with me the entire year would become my greatest friends. All of these people I met were in the same gym class. They were the gym squad or "PE Squad" and I was the outsider. They even had a group chat that later on I somehow was added to it. Once I finally became apart of the squad I ripped it apart. I did so much, they all did so much, we all did so much to destroy it. Everyone had there fair share of lies and secrets. Lies and secrets ruin everything. But what can we do?

I used to ditch class early to hang out with the PE Squad. After everyone was in the locker room, I would RUN out of class and try not to get in trouble. I met up with everyone. I only ever got caught once, but my teacher was okay with it. I was so jealous for a long time that I wasn't in the class. I always had to see everyone's stories, listen to their inside jokes, and hear about what happened in class that day. It made me so upset for a really long time. It's not like I can tell them not to post on their stories. Later on, some people purposely posted on their stories to hurt me. But I'll get to that later.

My best friend at the time, Harper, was the one that introduced me to everyone. She was definitely one of my best friends. I had a brilliant idea to invite everyone to go ice skating. Being the planner I am, I planned it and let Harper take credit for it. Her parents took us to the ice rink and then everyone showed up. It was me, Harper, Violet (My other and current best friend), Lily, Raymond 1 & 2 (There were two people named Raymond), and Nick 1 (What a coincidence there were two Nicks and Raymond's!). That was a little over half the people in the squad. The others couldn't attend.

Everyone got there except for the Raymond's and Nick (little did I know Nick is usually late for A LOT of stuff). According to Raymond 1, Indian standard time is what he runs on because he's Indian. This means he's late to everything. For about 15 minutes it was just me and the girls. It was Violet, Harper, and Lily. I didn't really know Lily that much but she seemed nice so I decided to become friends with her. Next, Nick showed up and everyone ran over to hug him. We all gave him a group hug and I was awkwardly on the end cringing because I had never met this guy before. Violet didn't really know anyone either, she was like me. Violet is an extrovert meaning she's really social and likes talking to people. Me, on the other hand, I hate most people and hate talking to people. I became less of an introvert towards the end of the year. Later on the Raymond's got there and we all went ice skating. It was one of the best nights of my life. It was a night that was drama free and full of fun. The Raymond's were TERRIBLE at skating. They clung to the walls the entire time as they feared for their lives. It was really funny, so we helped them out. Nick was the best at skating. He didn't do a sport. I thought he did hockey and was lying to us all. I was the second best at skating, and Lily and Harper were pretty good too. Violet was okay but slow. Everyone was holding hands with the guys. I held hands with Raymond 2 and Nick. Violet and I earlier that week came to the conclusion that Raymond 1 liked me, so I avoided him because I did not like him like that at all. I held Raymond 2's hand and little did I know that actually meant something to him. When I held Nicks hand I developed somewhat of a crush on him. Just a little one it meant nothing. He told us cool stories about how he visits South Dakota because his dad lives there. I was so intrigued. Violet, being the best bitchy friend she is kept saying "aww you guys would make SUCH a cute couple" while Nick and I were holding hands and skating. At one point, Nick and I had a skating contest. He purposely let me win for some reason, which I took as a sign that maybe just maybe he liked me. After skating we all hung out and sat at a table waiting for our rides to get there. It was so much fun just talking to everyone. I learned that Raymond 1 was really nice, Raymond 2 was really shy, Lily was extremely flirty, and Nick was really funny. Raymond 2 left and Lily walked out with him. I thought something was going on between them so I followed. When I got outside I screamed "you guys are such a cute couple" or something along those lines. Lily told me she was asexual and aromantic (meaning she doesn't like anyone sexually or romantically, this later changed and to this day I still don't know what she is). I'm really supportive over people who aren't the "norm", so I thought that was really cool and apologized for calling them a couple. She forgave me. Back at the table, it was all of us girls and Nick. Nick told us more and more about him and the more My crush on him grew. I never really thought that much of it because honestly who would like me?? Once Nick left, my ride got here and I was taking all of the girls back to my house.

At my house, we all hung out and it was fun. Only Lily couldn't sleepover, so she left late that night. It was just me and my two best friends, Violet and Harper. At one point during that night, Harper took a shower and I told Violet I like Nick while she was in the shower. I couldn't tell Harper because she's best friends with Nick, so I thought she could like him. Little did I know how that statement would come back and bite me in the ass. Violet said that Nick and I would be so cute together and we were so excited. Raymond 1 liking me was off my mind because who cares I would of rejected him anyway (Later he became one of my best friends and is awesome!!). We brought pizza up to my room and Harper and Violet were acting like they were best friends. This was the first time we had all hung out. I got super jealous and just kept my mouth shut. It sucks when both of your friends hang out and become closer than you are with them. Anyways, Earlier that day we had made a group chat and I sent a game pigeon when I got home to each guy individually. At 3am Nick replied. I sent him some dumb text asking why he was up so late. At some point during the night we all face timed Nick. It was really creepy because it was the three of us girls laying in bed face timing some guy. I didn't think about how creepy it was until later. At that point, I knew I had a crush on Nick. There was no denying it. My only problem: Harper. If she liked him I had to back off because she was one of my best friends and you cant break girl. It's chicks before dicks. Always. I went to sleep with those thoughts in mind. As I drifted off to sleep, I could hear Harper and Violet talking. To this day, I still don't know what their conversation was about.

The next day I woke up with blisters on my feet and my legs so sore. We all stumbled out of the room so Violet could leave. After she left, Harper and I ate breakfast in the dining room. It was dead silent as we awkwardly ate. She was kind of acting strange, but I brushed it off because eh who cares. As Harper left, my mom asked me how the night went. I responded with an "it was fun." I went to my room and checked my phone and saw that Nick responded to my text from last night. I smiled as I put in my earbuds and responded to his text.