Moonlight

|Chapter 2|

  I've been thinking 'bout you
Yeah, I been missing you
Where the hell are you, oh, when I need you?
I could still hear your voice
I ain't got no choice, cause I'm here all alone
I know I can't wait 'til you get home

I wrote it down on the paper. I, was writing down how i felt. How i felt about the person i once loved, still love, and who lost. The one i told everything to. Things no one could know. And they haven't told anybody. That person was Justin. Yes, that is right. Justin. He knows everything and in the space of 4 years, he hasn't told anybody. But, what confuses me is why hasn't he told anybody. Why hasn't he told people about that night. The night 4 years ago, just after the attack. Why hasn't he told anybody about that, about how i nearly killed myself.

That is right, i nearly killed myself with a massive knife. I had a purpose behind it though. It was so scary i couldn't handle it. As a pop star, you have so much pressure to be the perfect person. But, i just couldn't. I lost my baby, i was robbed and nearly robbed. Then to top that, I received so much hate after someone said i had been doing drugs, when i hadn't been. Everyone wanted me to die, including some of my fans. So, i said to myself, no one likes me, so i chose that i would rather kill myself then receive so much hate. It would of worked but Justin walked in on me just as i was about stab myself. And, for some reason, i have no regret on trying to kill myself.

No one knew. Not y family, not my friends, not my mum or dad. No one, accept Justin. Its crazy to think that your ex is the only person who knows about me killing myself. But, i am so thankful he hasn't told anybody about it. I'm happy he kept it private and between us.

Oh, I don't have you here with me
But at least I have the memory
I tried to make it through the night
But I can't control my mind

I have so many memories of us together. I have 5 memory books in my wardrobe hidden that its weird. I still kept them after everything that happened. But, i wanna know if Justin kept any memory books. I wanted to know because as he isn't with me anymore, he isn't by my side to protect nd love me, does he still think about our memories and does he keep them?

Its so weird how i try to always try to make it through the night without crying myself to sleep. I have been for the past 3 years we've spent apart. I still wish i haven't turned into the person i am. I'm still that cold person that caused me and Justin to break up but to be honest, i wouldn't change for the world and i don't give a damn of hat people think of me now.

I'm just thinkin' bout you
I'm thinkin' bout you, I'm thinkin' bout you
I'm just thinkin' bout you
I'm thinkin' bout you, I'm thinkin' bout you

i couldn't and still cant forget about him. I cant stop thinking about how his lips matched with mine. The way his eyes twinkled every time i was with him. The way he would touch my skin sending shiver's all over my body to go crazy. The way his sweet and innocent words would go into my ears but never roll out. I still think about every shred of tear that fell down his face, scared nd worried me. Each one of them tear drops just speaking different words in my mind.

I miss him.

"Hey kiddo. How you feeling?" Scooter asked me as he took a seat next to me. I closed my song book and faced to scooter.

"Ya know, same old same old" i replied.

"look" i looked at scooter as h spoke "Your a mess, and you have been ever since you and Justin broke up".

"I'm just scared, i don't want him to forget about me. I want Justin to be happy and to feel loved and to feel love towards them, but i cant help but wish that the girl was me, again" i truthfully replied to him.

"Wow, that is incredible because guess what".

"What?" i sweetly asked.

"Justin said the same thing about you" Scooter answered.

Justin does think about me and we both want to be together. i guess, there is just one thing pulling us away from each other...

"Is he hurt?" i asked Scooter.

"Yes" he replied.

...we both don't want to get hurt.

I always wonder what Justin is doing? What is he doing right at this second.

Justin

she was so beautiful. The way her hair had blown in the wind. When her dress would drag at the back and her hands were keeping the front of her dress up due to her not wanting to fall. She had an incredible voice when she preformed. Her make up was beautiful and it was nice how she didn't have loads of make up on. All she had was that foundation thing, lipstick and fake eyelashes. Her whole outfit was incredible at the award show.

But then, there was the after party. She looked stunning. My eyes were on her all night yet she didn't realise. I saw her dancing with Hailey and Kendall and that. But, when it came to boys, she pushed them away. She did that to all of them accept her friends. I always wonder why i haven't asked her out yet. I mean we love each other, Were meant to be, but im just scared. I don't want us to get hurt.

I used to believe
We were burnin' on the edge of somethin' beautiful
Somethin' beautiful
Sellin' a dream
Smoke and mirrors keep us waiting on a miracle
On a miracle

I was currently writing a meaningful song bout mine and kylies relationship. And i did believe we were living the dream together. But after what happened 3 years ago, right after me and Kylie broke up, i knew the love was falling apart. Kylie was broken and, i hadn't there for her when i needed to be there. She nearly stabbed herself and if i didn't walk in on her, she would be dead. I could of walked in on a dead body, and that body was the love of my life. She still is and always will be.

Say, go through the darkest of days
Heaven's a heartbreak away
Never let you go, never let me down
Oh, it's been a hell of a ride
Driving the edge of a knife
Never let you go, never let me down

I'm always hoping shed never move on. Always. But i want her to be happy with someone who can give her the world. And i want that to be me. But, i let that down, i left our relationship because of the state she was in. i could of helped her instead of dumping her. And, she has every right to be mad at e. I broke her heart. I dumped and cheated on her.

If i could turn back time, me and kylie would be married today...

Hey guys!!!!!!! Im in a positive mood but earlier i wasn't and i just want everyone to know whats happening with me. So basically i have this teacher who's like twice my age but i admitted to my friends that i actually like him but i feel as if they might judge me and not wanna be my friend. Does anybody have any advice???

But, i do love you guys which makes me happy xx Goodnight