Kissing Suicide

18| Old Love

I wish I could sit with you and talk about everything and not feel an aching in my heart but of course, you can't. I can't. I realized all of this.

And I realized it again when I opened that box, the one where I kept all of the sentimental things I couldn't throw away - every letter, and every random note you left me.

I sifted through them and
I remember how much I love you and how I honestly thought you would be the one to heal me and not break me further.

The words you wrote warmed my heart and made me believe I was worth being loved.

You did that.

You made me believe I was worthy and even now, I cannot thank you enough for that. But in seconds, you also made me feel like I was trash, the most unworthy human being.

You did that.

Is it time to let you go?

I don't want to, no matter how much holding on hurts, I'm willing to take the pain, if that means things will go back to how it was. And though you aren't that person I thought you to be - I hope you find everything you deserve, everything I was unable to give you.

I hope you live and you find true happiness. I'm so glad I got to spend that time with you and that love, that feeling of absolute euphoria.

You will remain in the memory box, not touched by time or reality or the cruelness of the world.

Goodbye, my love.

You can be free now until you're ready to tell me why you've made me suicidal.

- l.e