Everything in my life seemed to take a sharp turn. Everything was going great until that day came. The day full of bad memories that will never be wiped clean from my memory. When everything got ripped away from me and torn to shreds leaving me to have to try and piece it all back together. I haven't had a good night's sleep for the past eight months because of the nightmares that erupt in my mind as soon as I drift off into my slumber. Sometimes I even wake up screaming just wishing that one night I can forget about it. That maybe I can forget all about the unexpected things that happened that night, but also, I just want answers. To this day, still nothing makes sense about why what happened, happened. But, I don't think I will ever get those answers.
I still feel as if I'm stuck in a never ending dream. I wake up every morning thinking that it never happened and I finally arose from the nightmare. But, as soon as my eyes adjust and I snap back into reality, realization hits me that it did indeed happen and it wasn't just my imagination. It's been eight months and I still have this hole in my chest filled with a million pounds of rocks. People say that the feeling will eventually go away but I beg to differ. I moved out of California to get away from the problem but that didn't help. Moving out of state doesn't make everything better it just distances yourself from the place in which it happened. It doesn't matter where you're living. Your feelings have nothing to do with the setting of your environment. It has to do with the situations and events that surround your body that not only you've been involved in, but also witnessed.
Despite how I feel on the inside, I am slowly progressing. I seem more happy; At least that's what my parents tell me. We moved into a normal sized house in Vienna, Virginia. Living in a new town and going to a new school are just baby steps to help myself not be who I used to be. I have a fresh start and I'm trying to take advantage of it. It's my senior year in high school but I haven't really made much of it. My second week at school, a girl named Hazel got her seat changed in English class which lead her next to me. We had to work on a few projects together which provoked me and her to become friends. I refuse to tell her about the incident that happened because she may be my friend, but I promised myself to never get close to anymore again. I can't risk getting hurt and losing someone else that I genuinely really care about.
I snap out of my thoughts when I hear my alarm go off signaling that I need to get up and get ready for school. Seems that I have spent yet another night just lying down on my bed reminiscing about my life. Just recently I haven't been able to sleep at night but I am able to take a nap when I get home from school. Whenever night time comes around my mind wonders off into a world of its own and I can't seem to stop it from its long journey. I can't wait till the day I can lay down and drift off and wake up feeling so refreshed. Because of the state I'm in now, I've realized so many things in life are taken for granted. When you are not able to sleep at night you really start to miss it and think about how lucky people are when they can sleep 8-10 hours a night. The people who are able to do that, don't realize how great they actually have it until they no longer have it anymore.
I grab my phone and turn off my alarm and stand up from my bed. I look in the mirror and almost gasp at my appearance. I have bags under my eyes indicating my recent lack of sleep. I put my hair up and take a seat in front of my mirror that's hanging on the wall right against my desk. I take out my makeup bag and apply foundation and some powder. I put on a light shade of blush and eye shadow then dab my eyelashes with mascara. I've always been the type of girl who doesn't really care what other people think, but I don't want people to know my feelings as well. I don't put the makeup on to impress, I put it on to hide.
After I'm pleased with my appearance I walk over to my closet to pick out an outfit for my long dreadful day that is starting in less than an hour. I decide to wear black leggings and an oversized black sweater with combat boots and knee socks rolled over the top just peeking out from the shoe just a little bit. I let my hair down and just leave it how looks because it doesn't really look that bad. One thing I've always been good at is hiding myself. People at school see me as happy and carefree minus the part of me never going out. I always turn down offers and end up just staying in for the night whether it's to write, or just study.
