No Expectations

Chapter Nine

Emilia

Ending it before it ever really began was for the best. My attraction to Stephen was inappropriate and only grew as we got to know each other. Not only was he the sexy man from my dreams, but he now seemed dependable, sweet, and caring. The way he comforted me through all my insecurities. The way he talked to his daughter on the phone. It all brought chills up my spine because now I liked him ten times more.

I knew I shouldn't. I'm only eighteen. Still a kid in most people's eyes. There was no way I could ever meet his kid and have her see me as some sort of respectable adult. I was hardly an adult at all. She'd see right through that then judge her father who does nothing but love her. I couldn't put any of us through that.

Also, who said I had to? So we had sex once then made out in the woods. Big deal. Whatever. There was no way we were ever gonna be more, so I could go ahead and stop beating myself up over it. You know, maturity and all that.

That was one thing I didn't like about Stephen. How young he actually made me feel. Before, my age had never bothered me. I'd always thought I was smart, independent, and mature. Being with him made me realize I wasn't. I was still a kid playing grownup. My inexperience with life, sex, and relationships would have gotten in the way.

Not that I'm saying we would have been like boyfriend and girlfriend or anything, but whatever was happening between us still would have been some form of a relationship. It was best to leave it in the woods.

Why was I empty, though? I may have crushed on him from afar for years, but I didn't know him at all. I shouldn't have slept with him in the first place. It's just his eyes were so goddamn mesmerizing, and his lips were so goddamn tempting. His flustered look burned into my memory. When he asked me all those sexy questions, I almost lost it. Almost melted right there in his living room. I needed to stop thinking about it, or I was gonna go crazy.

"Sure are quiet tonight." Dad finally noticed over our dinner at Flannigans.

Mom was busy with some special event in North Miami where she'd be gone until late. Dad thought this might be a great chance to spend some quality time together. We hadn't had a night to ourselves in a long time. It might have even been years.

So we were out and about with a screen close enough to never miss a moment of the Texans game. My dad made sure of it when he asked the hostess to place us in this area of the restaurant. We were together, yet I still felt ignored as I messed with my napkin, avoiding his eyes. "Just tired."

He barely glanced at me when he took a buffalo wing from the basket between us. "Oh? Staying up late?"

If he took the time to actually look at me, he'd notice something was different, but he didn't. I took a wing for myself. "Yeah, something like that."

He finally looked right at my face then smiled. "You're such a sweet girl. You know that, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "Right. I mean, if my dad says it, then it must be true."

He gave me that 'Quit it' look. "No. You are. Most girls your age wouldn't watch a sick cat for their downstairs neighbor. Especially during their vacation from school. Girls your age are out partying or hanging with boys or something." Your age, your age, your age. Each time he said it kept ringing in my ears, reminding me of Stephen. "You're a good girl. We raised you right."

Guilt crept over me. "Thanks, Dad." I wasn't a good girl at all. I was 'hanging with boys' when I should have been watching Jasper. I was slutting around the building with older men. Okay, only one man, but I still felt guilty about it. My dad would flip out if he knew. He already vowed to beat up Tony for cheating on me months ago. I couldn't deal with him finding out.