No Expectations

Chapter Eleven

Emilia

My aunt kept throwing me side glances in the mall. She didn't buy me a Christmas present, which wasn't that shocking since she never got me presents. Her idea of a thoughtful gift was usually a card. It always said, "Hey, kiddo, let's go shopping and I'll buy you whatever you want!" So that's where we found ourselves the day after Christmas. Scouting the mall for good sales and a reasonable gift for the holidays.

After fighting our way through several stores, I was able to snatch some gorgeous boots. Every time I looked into my shopping bag, I thought of Stephen's reaction once he'd see them for the first time. Was he the type of man to comment on such things? Would he shrug once I'd pointed them out? The entire event was nerve racking when this date was much more important than any other date I'd ever had.

He claimed he'd blow up my phone, but we hadn't talked since that first message. Did he already lose interest? I doubted it, but that didn't stop me from worrying or ripping my phone out of my pocket any time it vibrated. He was a busy man. I shouldn't expect him to drop everything in his life just because we had sex twice.

The food court was where Amy finally asked. She'd been hinting she knew something was different by asking vague questions about my winter break. She asked if I'd had any friends over in Mrs. Peterman's apartment while staying down there. I kept answering 'no' or acting aloof to each of her questions.

She was over it as she finally asked, "Are you dating somebody?"

My eyes widened, but I attempted to remain cool, calm, and collected. I leaned back in my chair, brushing my hair over my shoulder in a casual manner. "Um... no. Why do you ask?"

Her eyes narrowed as she raised her voice a tad, embarrassing me in a way only an aunt could. "Emilia Rose Browne," here we go, "do not lie to me. You're dating someone. I can see it all over your stupid little face. Who is he?"

My head shook. Denying it again seemed like the right thing to do, but she saw right through my bullshit. We hardly kept things from each other. I liked having Stephen as a secret, but that didn't mean I couldn't give away a few details. His identity could remain a mystery to her. My naughty secret was still mine. "Don't wanna tell you."

She gasped. Her hand placed over her heart in a dramatic way. "Is it Tony?"

Ew. "No, it's not Tony. I'm over him."

"Oh." Confusion spread across her face. She shuffled her plate around on the table. "Okay, then why don't you want to tell me?"

My head shook a second time. She still didn't need to know specifics, but I had to give her something. I couldn't have her trailing me or keeping tabs. "My parents wouldn't approve. Plus, we just started talking. I don't want to jinx anything." I tried fighting back a smile as I admitted, "He's taking me out for our first date Friday."

Slowly, she nodded. Her head tilted to the side as this creepy smile appeared. "But you've already had sex." It wasn't a question. I must have made a face because she laughed. "Oh, don't be shy. Something was different about you yesterday. Something's definitely different about you today. I know you snuck away on Christmas to see him. You're smiling so much you're making my cheeks hurt. And you keep checking your phone every five seconds." She ate a fry, waiting for my impressed reaction to her detective skills. "If you don't want your mom finding out, gotta get better at hiding that smile. That's your tell."

My brow furrowed. "Did I not smile before?"

She shrugged, now bored with the conversation. "Not really. You usually seem tortured by life, especially after Tony left. Even before. You always seemed right on the edge." She sighed. "We worried about you all the time."

I blinked. Did my family really see me that way? I had bad anxiety. I couldn't hide that no matter how much my mother or Tony wanted me to. At least I knew Amy understood me. She didn't judge my episodes, and she definitely wasn't judging me now.

"I am happy, but I don't know what I'm doing. I like him a lot, but I'm not supposed to like him, you know?"

"Story of my stupid life." My eyes found hers again, and we laughed. "Don't be afraid of what you're supposed to be doing, okay? If you like him, and it feels right, then I'd say keep dating him. Don't do anything that makes you feel gross, though."

I nodded, smirking a bit. "Thanks."

"No problem." She tossed another fry into her mouth. "Details, please. Why's he forbidden?"

I just shook my head and started eating my food. If I gave her any more details, she'd figure out he was older, and I didn't want her judgment. I wanted to protect Stephen from people who wouldn't understand.

She asked me a few more questions. After I refused to answer, she finally dropped the subject and moved onto herself. I listened to her lack of a love life and tried to learn something. She may have been a mess, but she was an adult with a real job, and real co-workers, and real problems. I wondered when I'd feel grown up like her... or like Stephen. When would I be good enough for him?