Peak

Ch. 7: It Won't Be Like This For Long

There were no more slaps on the back, only pats on the shoulder. If sympathy was physically beneficial in any way at all, I wouldn't have been on crutches for the amount I got. It didn't make me feel any better.

The most I felt was nostalgia for the way things used to be. I think above all I missed using the stairs. But then again, I would be ecstatic if I could simply walk.

School was all I had to focus on at that point, so the day dragged on.

When Friday arrived, I was numb. Everyone was excited for the game, but all I could think of is what it would be like if this didn't happen; I would be excited too.

It only got worse the closer it came to kickoff. "You're still a Bighorn" I heard Antoine's words ring yet again as I put on my jersey.

"You sure you wanna go?" My mom's voice broke through the silence as she stood against my doorway.

"It'd be worse if I didn't." I replied. She gave a slight nod.

"I was talking to Coach, and he said if you want you can help up in the press box."

"Thanks, but maybe next week. I think I should be down on the field just this time." I looked down at the floor. My mom quietly said "okay" and walked back downstairs.

Before I walked out of my room I looked at myself in the mirror. I noticed a stain on the sleeve of my right shoulder from where I fell when I was tackled. Everything suddenly came crashing down. This is wrong, I thought, this shouldn't have happened. I still couldn't comprehend that I am physically unable to play, but I would do anything to be out there with my brothers.

My eyes began to sting and my stomach dropped. This isn't fair. The more I looked at the jersey, the heavier the cast felt.

I figured it did me no good, so I left my room and off we went.

When I entered the field house, I didn't see sympathy. Beside the fact this was a relieving first, it wasn't apathy in a bad way. A lot of these guys have been down this road before, they know how to deal with it.

Coach approached me to talk for the first time since the accident.

He slung an arm around my shoulder, "How ya been Sam?" He said in a low, raspy voice.

"Good." I replied nodding slightly.

"Don't lie to me boy." Coach's eyes turned to ice.

I paused, "I don't think it gets any worse than this." Coach nods and pats me on the back.

"Things can't stay bad forever." He answered with half a smile before gathering the team for a talk.

He delivered his speech followed by the team marching towards the exit of the field house.

As I started after them, I stopped dead in my tracks at the sight of Gary Hepford obviously amused at me.

"What?" I demanded. He simply shook his head quietly chortling to himself.

His reaction confused me until the realization hit; Gary's the starting wide receiver now.

With that thought, I felt completely empty. It would save me an awful lot of trouble if anyone but Gary replaced me. Not fair... I thought to myself again.

Gary saw his opportunity and he took it. He played an outstanding game, damn near flawless. We won the game 17-3, and I couldn't help but wonder what would've happened if I was still playing.

At Willy's after the game, a good number of people hung around Gary, and all throughout the night his ego was fed more and more.

I shouldn't feel jealous given I had zero control over the situation, but I still couldn't comprehend how much has changed in one week.

I hated how I was stuck in a cast on crutches. I hated how I couldn't play football. I hated how everyone felt like they should feel bad for me. I hated how hopeless I felt. But in that moment, I hated nothing more than the fact that Gary Hepford gained so much credit and recognition for what he didn't earn.

About five minutes before I left I was approached by Aubrey coming back from talking with her friends. We had talked a little within the past week, but for some reason we hardly spoke tonight.

"Hey Sammy can I talk to you?" She asked sitting down in the booth. She called me Sammy, oh shit. She raised her eyebrows at Antoine, Derek, and Eli, "...alone?" She persisted. They raised their hands in surrender and got up to go elsewhere.

"Listen, I know this isn't the best time or situation, but I can't do this anymore. Sammy, I have school, I have cheerleading, I have my friends and family, I have so much on my plate right now. It's just...I don't have time to worry about you too when I don't have to." Her voice cracked, but she showed no signs of crying. I knew exactly what she was doing and I felt my stomach drop yet again.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I ask.

"I can't do this Sam."

"Why? Why, because I don't play football anymore? Do you have some status to keep? You think I asked for any of this?" My blood began to boil and my voice rumbled.

She grabbed my hands and I immediately pulled away. She looked down and simply said, "I'm sorry" before getting up and walking out the door.

I sat there in shock at what just happened. No, it couldn't have gotten any worse. Coach told me things can't stay bad forever. So why did things get worse? Why did it feel like nothing would ever improve?