It Wasn't Time

"Don't think that this is because of you. I've been planning this for years. I'm just finally doing it. I'm tired of everything." Justin's voice cracked as he read the first few words to Jess's suicide letter.

He couldn't believe it. His best friend was laying in the casket at the back of the room, and he almost couldn't handle it.

"I'm not reading the rest of her letter. This isn't what she would have wanted, she would have wanted a mosh pit and angry music playing. None of this shit." Justin had tears streaming down his face now.

"Justin, please come down," his mother said looking at him with little sympathy, more embarrassed than anything, " you're acting immature."

Justin didn't move. "I'm acting immature? my best friend is dead! she killed herself because she thought no one cared! she's dead and I can't deal with this funeral because it's everything she wasn't! She wasn't religious, or dressy or any of this! So stop acting like she was!" Justin jumped off the stage and races to the back of the room.

He slowed down and walked slowly up to the casket and looked down as Jess.

He placed a hand on top of one of her cold, lifeless hands and with a tear rolling down his face he whispered "I'm so sorry Jess, so so sorry. I should have answered the phone, then you'd still be here. I....Jess.. Jess I love you."

And with that he walked outside.

Feeling like there was no where left to go he walked into the middle of the road and just stood there. It was rainy and he felt so destroyed.

"Justin! Get out of the road!" He knew it was his mom.

That no good bitch. He looked to see a car coming towards him at top speeds.

Just before it reached him he felt something smash into him and it sent him flying. "No!" The voice rang in his head, and it sent chills down his spin.

That was Jess. It had to be Jess. It was her voice, but had she just saved him? he was laying in the grass looking straight at his mother. She looked mortified, and it was the first time justin had ever seen her like that.

"Jess..if that was you..i miss you.." Justin whispered just under his breath.

"Not yet. You have plans and it's time to set them in motion." He was very cold and was terrified listening to this voice that belonged to his dead friend who was somehow talking to him.

"What on earth?!" his mom yelled as she rushed over to him.

"I'm. Fine." He mumbled under his breath as he stood up to walk away.

Later that night Justin sat on his bed strumming his guitar trying to figure out what Jess has meant. He looked at his little notebook that had 'Moshing with the Stars' written across the cover. So many songs in there were written about Jess.

She had come up with the name and they were supposed to make it big. Start a band, save lives, be heroes to younger teens they where going to do it all. That had always been the dream, but now Jess was gone and Justin was slowly giving up on the dream they had once shared.

He loved, hell he still loves her.

There was a knock at his door and so he put away the little notebook.

"Dinner" he heard his mom's voice call out.

"Not hungry." Justin simply said before retreating to his bathroom for a shower.