This Is My Story.

My Present

Well, well, well.

It has been a number of years since this passion project or so I should call it has been written. To say that a lot has changed would be an understatement so I guess this will just be a sort of easy foundation for me to write a few things that have happened since then. 

It has been five or six months since she left me. I'm not entirely quite sure of the time as it's all still quite hazy.

Recently, I have just been slowly discovering more and more about myself which are relatively peculiar but also very 'irritating' to say the least. 

I think I've realized this a very long time ago however I probably just had no words on how to describe what I felt deep inside. I've always had this sort of darkness in me, like a dark cloud hanging over my head all the time since I was a child. As younger me has explained to the best as he could, it is more than likely some form of depression. I have always been in the middle of being happy and being extremely sad however, it always tends to land on the former rather than the latter. I knew however that I was always searching for other ways in order to cope with this since I was a young and since I was born in the era of the internet, I found myself constantly trying to find love online which was a horrible choice to say the least. But no matter how many times I found myself heartbroken and shattered, it never stopped me from keeping on finding people to love. Well that was until I met her. The person I believe to be my one true love.

It was what, maybe five or six years ago since we first met. The funky thing is I didn't even realize our first interaction was before she started talking to me. I was just walking to Arabic class one day and since the French classroom was just next to the Arabic classroom they would often have to wait in front of the hallway which is connected to stairs. I was just walking by and since they were all there I thought I saw someone watching me or looking at me so I just went "What are you looking at?" and just kept on walking. Well apparently the person that I said that to was her. And that was our first interaction. It was actually a year after that we started talking to each other and if I remember correctly she was the one who messaged me first. Hilariously the first question she asked me if I was the one who like a certain someone. And yes that was me but that question was entirely uncalled for alright. Anyways, it was all nice and we eventually started to text each other in which I guess where we caught feelings for each other at some point which I am not really sure when. So this one day I just decided that I would just tell her I felt and after that it took awhile for her to actually respond. I remember someone calling me to go to her class and so I just nervously walked/ran to her class and when I saw her she gestured me to come closer to her and she just whispered to me:

"I love you too."

Well that's very sweet and all however you have to keep in mind that this is the start of a relationship between two teenagers so, things will get complicated more than soon enough. We started seeing each other after classes and just going on basically these 'dates' I guess at her class or mine in which we just spent time talking to each other and getting to know one another. Of course there were plenty of bumps here and there and I will admit that I had my fair share of dumb and stupid moments such as me not being able to distinguish my crush on that 'certain someone' and that took a toll on our relationship because at the time I couldn't decide whether or not I liked one of them better. Being the dumbass that I am, there was more strain on our relationship because I hadn't realized that I was in one already. YEAH I KNOW I ALREADY SAID I'M DUMB. So the thing that confused me with that is because that other "relationship" I was in, we never really directly declared each other as partners per say so yeah that's how that happened. And so during this time imagine an already emotionally unstable and struggling kid was having to go through what is basically a three-way tug of war between who I was actually in love with. But alas at the end of course I still ended up with her, the one who accepted me and things were still pretty shaky. Lack of attention and me just being a jackass made us go through several breakups but for the most part we were together until of course, it all went to hell.