Forever & Always

4. Stress & Pain

I groan dropping my purse on the floor and toss Kyle's jacket I still have from last weekend on the couch as I enter the quiet, dark house and slip off my Ugg boots that I hardly wear anymore. I reach to turn on a lamp beside the couch as I think back to the overly perfect week I've had that came crashing to an end just a few hours ago. All this week, Kyle either brought me lunch at school, took me on dates or we spent time together watch movies in his family's basement but all that has been destroyed by a major setback in my mother's health. Around three this morning, I woke to an odd sound and got up to find the breathing mask she wears to bed had fallen off and her hardly breathing. I called my aunt as quickly as I could and followed her instructions on how to listen to Mom's lungs agreeing with her that we needed to get her to the hospital. After nearly an hour in the ER at Anne Arundel Medical Center getting breathing treatments, Mom finally was stable enough to get into her room to have the fluid drained from her lungs for the fifth time in the last year since her cancer was diagnosed again.

"Go on home and go to school. I'll deal with all of this today." My Aunt D said to me an hour ago after Mom finally was left alone by the nurses to rest and I watched her sit in yet another uncomfortable hospital bed.

"Lindsay, honey...go." Mom said taking my hand in her frailer ones and I sighed hearing the exhaustion in her voice. "Besides you have that paper due and I'd feel better knowing you're where you are supposed to be rather than pacing these halls again."

After a few more minutes of her persistently wanting me to go and my aunt promising that she'd stay with her throughout the chemotherapy treatment later, I finally left the hospital to come home where I am now.

I check to see that I have just over an hour to shower, get ready, grab my school things, eat and drive the ten minutes it takes to get to school all before the eight o'clock bell. I quickly rush to plug up my phone and turn on some music so I can have some noise in the house to distract me from the fact that my mom isn't fixing breakfast while watching the news. I head to my bathroom next to my room and turn on the shower striping out of the sweatpants I pulled on over my pajama shorts and hang the shirt I had on on the doorknob before taking off the rest of my clothes. I step in the shower and go through my usual routine as quickly as possible before getting out to wrap a towel around myself. I grab another towel to wring out my hair as I walk back to my room mouthing the words to one of my favorite songs by Ed Sheeran and grab some underwear from a drawer in my dresser.

I tug on a pair of jeans that are on the floor by my laundry hamper not caring that I just wore them two days ago because they are one of the most comfortable pairs I own other than sweats and track bottoms. I grab a grey Annapolis High Swim team t-shirt out with our school mascot pf a panther on the front to pull on over my bra and grab a thin, dark grey hoodie to wear when I'm ready to go. I sit down on the end of my bed to pull on some socks and brightly colored Converse shoes before going back to my bathroom. I groan realizing I don't have time to straighten my hair and just pull it up into a tight ponytail after brushing it out. I quickly spritz on some perfume before putting on some tinted moisturizer, mascara and lip balm that I put in my pocket before rushing to gather my school things. I grab my books that are on my desk along with two binders to shove them into my backpack and zip up my laptop into its fabric case to put in there as well.

I pull on the hoodie I got out earlier before putting the heavy backpack over my shoulder and grab my phone to put in my hoodie pocket on the way out of my room. I place my bag on a stool before filling up my stainless steel water bottle with ice and water to put in the side pocket of my backpack and grab a bag of frozen ingredients to go in the blender that I prepare when I can over the weekends. I grab a couple of protein bars from the cupboard by the fridge to put in the small front pocket of my backpack and turn to pour my smoothie in a tumbler cup with a straw carrying it with the backpack to where I left my purse. I grab out my wallet to put in the pocket with my snacks and slip my sunglasses on my head getting out my car keys not wanting to deal with my purse today. I pull on Kyle's jacket and heave my backpack over my shoulder carrying my kale, banana, strawberry and chia seed smoothie with me as I head out the door to my car.