Upon A New Horizon

Worth It

Love is a coin that bears two sides.
Heads—light, beautiful, forgiving, caring. It is ‘in sickness and in health’ and ‘till death do us part’. It sees no imperfections and knows no boundaries. But, this emotion, this gift of compassion that has been bestowed upon humankind, also has a darkness lurking within it.

Tails—twisted, bottomless and blind. It is envy and lust, greed and possession. It takes without remorse and gives nothing in return. It hordes and consumes until nothing remains but polished bone. It is ugly and sick. The two walk side-by-side along a thin line, hands clasped tightly, waiting for the other to fall.
Love is a dangerous thing.    

Irresolute. That was an adequate term for this sensation. It writhed and coiled about in his gut like a beastly sea creature hell bent on crumbling his composure. His fingers threatened to quake with the alien feeling and so he curled them into fists to dispel the urge. Never had he been a man accused of stupidity, so the reason behind his strange symptoms were not unknown to Sasuke.

This…this was fear.

It was uncertainty, a devastating cancer to his system. Awareness of the illness that plagued him offered no comfort, however. Despite the horrors he had witness in his short life, despite the nightmares he himself had created, Sasuke had yet to face true fear. 

Today, it had come to lay claim to him. Its grip like an iron vice about his chest, constricting with every passing second of the clock. As he stared through the glass into the vast town below, Sasuke struggled to control this silent enemy. He found himself wishing-cursing that blonde idiot; hoping he’d come back so Sasuke could break his damned nose for leaving him alone in this cold, sterile room. Because as much as he hated to admit it, he was going to be reliant on the fox until he obtained his footing.

But no. For forty-five minutes Sasuke had been left with nothing but a thin hospital gown and his thoughts. The results of this mistreatment did not bode well for the young clan-head. When it finally came time for him to put an end to this ridiculous charade, he’d make sure the dobe suffered a bit. This thought lightened his foul mood slightly as he continued to gaze out at the city.

Konoha. No place seemed to outshine this haven, hidden in the center of a thick forest. Konoha thrived. It hummed and pulsed with life, teemed with a profusion of successful establishments. The people of the Uzumaki Clan flourished, basking in their prosperity like eager flora soaking up the rays of the sun. It seemed like a world of its own, cut away from the afflictions of those around it. And just like that, another feeling rose up to join its brethren.

Guilt.

Unlike fear however, this devil was now a native resident of his subconscious. Death had become a companion of his, a close friend who frolicked in the fire with him. So many families broken, lives ruined all for the benefit of his father; a simple utterance of words had shaped their fate. If he stared down at his hands long enough, he swore he could still see their blood. It permeated his pale flesh, soaked down deep into his marrow. Some nights, Sasuke found himself trapped in hell, wading through a sea of faces frozen in agony. They clung to him like desperate children, wailing, screaming, begging…

He used to wake Itachi on nights like those. When he had been small pride had held little sway over his actions.  Shame was a word he’d not yet grasped the concept of and so Sasuke would crawl into bed with his older brother and seek comfort in his warmth, the sound of his breathing, the sound of life. Once he’d grown older, he would still find himself  in his brothers room, waking the older boy with a hoarse word. But the child in him had long since been locked away. They would train all night and there, locked in combat, his mind was forced to focus on the here and now. He’d forget about the past and the future, if only for a few hours.