Afraid of loving you - Jaegan

because i love you

(this is raegan's life story also why he was put in hospital for a bit)

Raegan's p.o.v

ever since i've been 12 i've been suffering with anxiety and depression. i grew up in a poor part of Maryland with my older brother. my brother and i basically grew up together after our dad left us and our mom started drinking and doing drugs. we had a special bond, but not just a brotherly bond, it was stronger. i would help him and he would help me. since it was just the two of us i had to grow up fast, which meant no social life or friends.

when my brother turned 17 he followed my mother and started drinking, which left me, alone in the house, almost every night. being alone at the age of 14 is hard, no friends, no brother, no family. i felt like if i died no one would care, no one would notice. i went through a bad time, i didn't leave my room, i stopped eating, i cut, my life at 14 was basically a failed suicide attempt. soon enough i found the light in the dark when i was able to get a phone, the first app i got was a lip-syncing app, called mucial.ly. after some practice i started to get good at it and i got noticed, not just by anyone, the brown haired boy, named, Justin Blake, well Justin Drew Blake. he gave me a purpose.

i was this boys number one fan. just being able to see his smile was enough for me. after a while he noticed me, we talked and soon became best friends. Justin and I, share the same back round, he knows what its like, which made easier to bond with him. soon enough we talked almost every single day, we were the best of friends. Justin managed to help me stop cutting and now i have just passed being one year clean, he helped me with my depression and anxiety, but its still there. justin and i got so close, he described me as the brother he never had .

when i turned 16, my mother and father came back home. it took a while, but i trust them now. i've told them about Justin and i and how close we are, they didn't seem to mind, but there is where it all went wrong. justin and i went on a break, for days, months, not one word, i started to get worried about it, it all just stopped one day, i call him, no answer. he was gone for so long it was almost like he died.

then i hit 17, the year where justin appeared again. i asked questions, but i got no answers. i just let it go, i figured he would tell me again. justin looked different, the trust wasn't there anymore, the glisten in his eyes had died down, he smile was dull. i don't think he noticed how much i care about him. he wouldn't do the things we used to do, or talk about the thing we used to. it almost seemed like he was being forced too talk to me. months passed and our trust started to come back, along with his smile, that goddamn smile. his smile seemed to light up and room and is giggle gave me butterflies. he gave me a weird feeling, funny what this boy can do to me. we were chatting on musical.ly, when he asked the question, "will you be my boyfriend?"

i was shocked, i typed an answer, then deleted it, typed it again and deleted it again, until "yes" was sent. i would say we got closer, but that might have been impossible. once again justin started distancing himself again, i just let it happen, once again there was nothing i could do about it. soon enough he came back, i didn't know if we where still dating or not but i just wanted to talk to him again. he started to open up to me about why he has been gone, his mother started to beat him and take his phone away, i felt really bad for him. he said we were still together. i would sacrifice anything for him even if it meant hurting me by doing it, i was one of his last hopes, as i boyfriend, by job was to protect him, and thats exactly what i did.

Justin's p.o.v

"so, why did you do it raegan?" i asked him

he looked down, "i did it because"

"because what?" i asked

"because i love you"

(how did you like it? leave a comment maybe? if you don't get it, comment and ill try my best to explain. 25+ votes and 20+ comments for next update, love y'all)