Finding one another (A Benedict Cumberbatch Romance)

Like golden wings

“One breath for every mortal soul

That breaks its golden wings

A fall from light to nothingness

One cry for every mortal soul

That lost its iron chains

A fall from pain to nothingness

One tear for every mortal soul

That walks the crytal shores

A fall from faith to nothingness”

Silence ensued. I was lost in my thoughts. The poem was longer than that, but this part was all I felt ready to present right now. It held such a deep meaning to me, yet I was always afraid people wouldn't see it in my work. When I looked at Benedict, I could see he was in thought. He had creased his forehead and stared at a point beyond my sight. Everything had become so still. I heard the noise around us, but it was as though it couldn't reach us. I watched him breathe. It was obvious to me that my words had touched him. He looked up and locked his eyes with mine. A bond was made in that moment, I felt it. Even if I never saw him again after that night, I knew that this part of me would stay with him. After a while, he simply said, “Thank you”. He leaned back in his chair and looked at me. I appreciated it more than words could tell that he didn't ask me what it meant, or why I had written it. That's what has always fascinated me most about poetry: If one hundred people read the same poem, they can find in it one hundred meanings.

“The book is called "Fear of Light and Love of Shadows”. It's a collection of poems that represent contrast, and how both need the other to exist. I started writing when I was little, so I always knew that this was my destiny. Nevertheless, it was not an easy path to choose. I was rejected again and again, but I never gave up my dream. Jackie, my friend, she was the only one that accepted how the writing process would consume me. All the others just stopped calling after a while. I feel so lucky to have someone as patient as her in my life...”, I trailed off. I wasn't sure why I had started talking, anyway. I think I had just felt the need to share my thoughts, or maybe I hadn't been entirely comfortable with the silence between us. Benedict said nothing and just looked at me. He sighed, combed through his hair and said, “It's never easy. It wasn't for me, either.” He took a sip of his beer and kept looking at me. The outside world all but forgotten, we sat in the pub for a long while, talking of our dreams and ambitions. I told him of my plans to travel the world one day, see the wilderness in its many forms around the planet and maybe find a quiet place to live. It made me blush when I realised he didn't tell me anything at all about him that I hadn't already known before. He was working on a new project that he couldn't talk about, though, and I was secretly excited for the info to be press released. He told me there were two things he wanted to achieve in his life, one was to learn french and the other to play the piano one day. He was just like I thought he would be, and at the same time, so different, so much more. He was at ease with himself, while I had always thought he would be a little self-concious. He was joking around, though never stepping over the line. He was polite, funny, smart. I felt so blessed in that moment that I even considered believing in God. I mean, what other reason could there be for me to even be in the same room with this beautiful human being? We both relaxed more and more as the evening progressed and we started to fool around a little, telling stories of our past and having a good time. Jim came by again to ask if we wanted anything else, and both of us ordered a coffee. “You don't drink much, do you?” I asked him. Of course, I already knew this... But I wanted to hear it from him. “No, I really don't. I usually prefer wine, too. But from time to time I can enjoy a beer.” He was smiling, always smiling. “What about you, then?”, he asked. “There have been occasions when I had too much, but that's years back now. I hardly ever drink more than one of something – one glass of wine, one drink, one beer. I really dislike the feeling of being drunk.” There was more to it, but I didn't feel like sharing it with him. After all I'd only met him once, and this was a little too private. I could see that he noticed that I was pondering something, but he let it be.

Jim brought our coffees and we sat there in silence, both lost in our own thoughts. All of a sudden I remembered why we were here. “Wasn't there something you wanted to ask me?” He looked surprised. “Mh? Oh. Yes. Yes, there was. But, you know, I think I'll leave that for next time”, he said, smiling. It took a little time to sink in. Next time. He thinks there's going to be a next time! It hit home that he actually wanted to see me again. Suddenly he said: “There is one thing I'd like to ask of you, though. I don't usually bring people to The Pub. Would you mind not telling anyone where we went? It would mean a lot to me. I really don't need the attention here.” The thought never even crossed my mind. “Of course I'll keep it to myself, that goes without saying. Now that you mention it, why did you bring me here? Isn't that a bit risky? I mean, I won't, but I could easily let the whole world know where you like to go.” “I really couldn't explain it to you. I guess I just took the risk. You haven't given me reason to regret it.” I blushed and nodded approval, I felt so honored that he would place his trust in me. “T-Thank you”, I muttered, aware of his eyes on my face and reddening cheeks. He just smiled in reply. I took a sip of my coffee and leaned back in my chair, exhausted from the intensity of my feelings this evening.

It was growing late. The Pub was all but empty, with only Jim left, leaning on the counter tiredly and watching one of those terrible soap operas on a tiny TV in a corner. I hadn't noticed anyone leaving, I had been so enchanted by Benedict and our conversation. I searched the room for a watch, and when I finally found one, I was shocked. It was 3 AM. Where had the time gone? “I think I need to go home”, I said to Benedict, painfully aware of how tired I felt, and must look. “One last question, and then I'll bring you home. Where do you come from? You haven't told me yet.” “I was born in Switzerland, but moved to a little backwater town in Northern England a few years ago. That's where I met Jackie, who came to London with me. I've been here before, but this is the first time that I don't have any commitments, like needing to meet with an agent or a publisher.It's so wonderful when you can take your time.” I saw him smiling. “That was a long answer to a short question, wasn't it?” “I don't mind”, he said, standing up. I looked at him, and was overwhelmed by a sensation I had never felt before. My dreams had come true in one night. What else could I wish for than one evening with the person who inspired me? My life felt so complete at that moment. I reluctantly let him pay for the expenses and in the mean time, went to get my cloak. I waited patiently by the exit while he talked to Jim at the bar. I took his scarf to hand it to him, and then I was taken over by the desire to bury my face in it. I couldn't help it. It was so soft. I breathed in his sweet, sweet smell. Pure bliss. I looked up and saw him standing in front of me, eyebrows raised and a look in his eyes that seemed somewhere between surprise, disapproval and delight. I took one last breath, straightened my shoulders and held out my hand with the scarf. I looked him square in the eye and stated, “I'm not going to comment on that”. Benedict held out his hand, a crooked smile stretching his lips. “Neither am I, then”, he said and wrapped the scarf around his neck without hesitation. “Good”, I said and opened the door to let him out into the blistering cold.