Finding one another (A Benedict Cumberbatch Romance)

Of Silence and other Noise

The streets were empty. From time to time I heard sirens in the distance, screeching tires or barking dogs. It was as silent as a big city could get. Benedict walked beside me, while my terrifyingly loud shoes clacked on the ground with every step. I wished it was summer and I could just take them off, they were so annoying. There was a slight breeze and I shivered a little. “Are you okay?” Benedict asked. “Oh don't worry, it's just a little cold, but I don't mind” I said. I was used to the cold and I had never disliked it. He nodded and we walked on, when it occurred to me that it might bother him. “You don't need to walk me home, you know. I'm sure I'd find my way on my own.” “Oh, but I really do, since you so stubbornly refused to take a cab. I would never let a girl walk home alone at this time of night.” “Well, I'm not a girl, I'm a woman, but I get your point.” I smirked. I was aware that I often came off as a know-it-all, but that was just the way I was. After some consideration I added “Thank you”. I did appreciate it. It meant that we could spend some more time together, even if it was just a few more minutes. I sneaked a look at him, buried in my scarf and hoping he wouldn't notice me staring. His breath condensed in the cold air and against the lamp light it looked like a halo, the light shining profusely through his dark, wavy hair. He looks like an angel. I knew that this night would keep me happy for many months to come. I felt so fulfilled that I doubted I even had to eat anymore. “How long are you staying in London?” he asked. “Only a few days now. And then, I'm leaving for a tour, to present my book in local bookshops and so on, for about a month or so. I'll even go to Scotland and Ireland and a few of the smaller islands. I'm a little excited. How about you?” I asked. “Me too. I'm leaving for Cardiff the day after tomorrow.” Oh my God, Cardiff! I knew what that meant: Sherlock. I was smiling dizzily. Yeah. Sherlock. And he's standing right next to me! I was starting to wonder how much excitement a heart could take before it started to give in. “This is so cool.” The words had slipped past my lips before I could stop them. Benedict smiled to himself. “I agree” he said. What was he referring to? Playing Sherlock? Or maybe..? Could he mean the night we spent together? I was too afraid to ask, but hope blossomed in my chest that he had had as good a time as I. Oh, I never wanted this night to end. I wanted to take a million detours and wait for the sun to come up, but my hotel was just around the corner. I was very sorry now that I had chosen a hotel that was so central. On the other hand, Benedict might not have taken it upon himself to bring a phone to a hotel that was too far away... My musings were interrupted when we arrived at the main entrance of the hotel. I felt panik rising inside my chest. Knowing he would leave felt like letting all my dreams walk away. I couldn't let that happen in good concience. I had to do something. I had to make him come back, but how? He was ridiculously famous. And who was I? I was just a writer, hoping there were a few people out there who wanted to read my book. My life suddenly felt very bleak. “Well”, he said, “I'm glad I got you home safely, Lily. Thank you very much for coming with me so spontaneously. I do hope we meet again.” “So do I, thank you for your invitation. It was really very nice, Benedict.”  Ah, to say his name one last time. He had laid his hand on my shoulder in goodbye. He was acutally touching me! He smiled, turned around and hailed a cab. It was such a bittersweet feeling, to see him leave. I still felt blessed that I could actually look at him in person. He gave me one last nod before he entered the cab and drove off into the night. And I just stood there. I couldn't move. I felt like my brain had finally fried. I must have squeezed every last drop of blood from it, because I was starting to feel dizzy. I took the key card from my pants with numb hands and a numb mind, opened the door and walked through the hallway up the stairs to my room. I opened the door...

And something banged on the wall right next to my head. A shoe. I stared at it, dumbfounded. “LILIAN FREDRICKSON! WHERE! THE! FUCK! HAVE! YOU! BEEN! You leave your phone HERE, after some weirdo calls me on it, you don't call, you don't WRITE, what the FUCK is WRONG with you!” Jackie was standing in the middle of our room, her eyes wild, her short hair standing in every possible direction, like she had gone through it again and again with her hands. I didn't even know what to say. I just looked at her and felt tears coming to my eyes. Jackie was quite obviously furious with me and I had all but forgotten to write. And Benedict was gone. It was all over. My life was over. I felt my body shake violently and heard my sobs, and then suddenly, I felt the sadness. “Oh honey, honey, come here, come sit on the bed. Honey, what's wrong? Shh. I'm here”, I heard Jackie say, but I didn't understand the words. I just cried and cried and cried. It felt like all the tension that had built up inside me the whole night finally needed to come out. I felt so helpless. After a while, I started to feel better. With every bit of tension released, I felt more and more tired. I snuggled into Jackies arms, listening to her soothing words, until I finally fell asleep.

My head hurt. My eyes hurt. My heart... I didn't even want to think about that right now. I wanted to shut my eyes and go back to the wonderful nothingness that sleep had provided, but it was futile. I lifted my head when I heard a noise. Jackie was already on her feet, breakfast in her hands. “Hey honey. I bought breakfast. Sit up.” I felt childish, but nevertheless I took the blanket and pulled it over my head. “Stop it, Lily. Get up. I really, really want to know what happened yesterday. You're going to get up now. I want you to shower and get dressed and then you'll tell me everything.” She pulled my blankets away and I moaned. I knew that she was right. I took my time in the shower. It felt like washing off the past evening, an idea that frightened me to no end. I didn't want to forget. Not one bit. Not one detail. I was going to have to write a poem about it. Not now. I dressed and wrapped my hair in a towel and left the bathroom to go talk to Jackie. After I had made myself comfortable on my bed with a coffee in my hands I tried to sort out my thoughts, looking for a good way to start. “Well?” Jackie asked a little impatiently. “So... I met someone...” I started, without knowing how to proceed. “I figured. The guy that called about your phone, was it him?”, she asked. “Yes, but that's not the point. The point is who he was.” I paused. “Jackie.” Pause. “Jackie, Jackie, Jackie.” Pause. “Jackie it was him.” “What is going on with you, honey? I don't get it. Who was it?”, she asked, looking so confused. “Ben Cumberbatch.” Her face went from worry to shock to skeptisism. She looked at me like she was wondering if I had lost my mind. When I didn't say anything, she began to understand that I wasn't making this up. “You mean... You mean to tell me that I had Benedict Cumberbatch on the phone and didn't even know? And you spent the whole night with him! Oh my GOD!”, she looked so pumped up while I just sat there and tried to calculate the probability of meeting the same celebrity twice in your life. “Lily! You spent the night with him! Tell me everything! How come he asked you out? Tell meee, I need to know!”, she scooted closer to me, her whole body trembling from the excitement. So I told her. I didn't leave anything out.

When I finished I didn't feel quite as sad anymore, but I knew full well that the hardest part was yet to come.