Purple and Blue

Rhymes and Melodies

I started to distance myself, and everyone noticed. After the break up I spent most of time in my hotel room writing my soul away. Each new word was just another piece of me that I was giving away into the universe. I only submerged to perform and to pass off my writings to those who would produce it into a song I'd sing... We'd sing... He'd sing. I think that was the hardest part. Knowing that he'd sing the words I wrote about him most likely knowing that every last letter was about him. That I had strung them all together to describe the pain and the anguish he had put me through, and all the pain I had put him through, as well. Every last string of my stitched heart was written down, and he got to see, read, and sing every last bit of it.

So many people tried to convince us to stay away from each other in the beginning. They told us that dating would only cause us and everyone around us grief and frustration. But, we were young and hopelessly in love, so we ignored the wise words of those older and more mature than us. We fell. Together. And, we hit the ground. Apart.

Whether we cared about each other or even loved each other hadn't mattered in the end. We just weren't meant to be. We ruined something great by trying to force something that wasn't meant to fit. Or maybe it was meant to fit, eventually. Maybe we jumped in too soon or just moved too quickly. I really don't know. I just know we messed up, and neither of us were the same because of it.

"Harry," a voice called followed by a soft wrap on my door by strong knuckles. "It's time to go."

I sighed softly as I crawled out of my warm and comfy bed. It still wasn't my bed, though. No bed would ever be my bed. As comfy as the beds on tour were, they were all foreign. They may be high priced with satin sheets, but they weren't my bed. Our bed. They were all empty. Half empty, that is.

"I'm coming," I called back through the wooden door as I collected my packed bags before slipping on my shoes. I then slowly looked myself over in the mirror before sighing. Off to another show in another town to perform for another crowd of people. I loved my job with all my heart, I just... lost the joy in it. I lost the love for performing. It still gave me that rush of adrenaline, that high that no drug could ever produce. But, it didn't fill my emptiness.

I ran my fingers through my mess of hair before I stepped out into the hall to see Niall and Liam staring up at me.

"You ready to go, mate?" Niall asked as he looked me over with clear concern. Both of them were. They knew I was a mess. They knew I was upset, and they knew better than to ask me about it.

"I've got my bags, innit?" I breathed harshly before I let out a soft sigh and hoisted my bag onto my shoulder. Niall's face dropped into a frown and he looked me over slowly before he nodded and turned his attention back to Liam who's gaze never left mine.

"You could be nicer, you know. We warned you," Liam breathed out quietly.

Niall's eyes widened a bit at the strong words and I just rolled my eyes and brushed past them. I didn't need to hear 'I told you so' from anybody. Especially not Mr. Know it all Liam.

I headed down the hallway as I pulled out my phone. I knew the only thing that would calm me was some mellow tunes, so I started to place my headphones in my ear, letting out a humph when my body collided with another. I lifted my eyes to meet the ones that absolutely tore me apart every day of my life.

"I-," he started but I shook my head and walked around him, eyes training to the floor as I tried to block out the images of that night. The night where everything went wrong. Every time I looked at him I thought of the awful things he said... that I said. That we did.

Louis' mouth fell closed as Zayn clapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Give it time," he whispered softly in Louis' ear.

I just kept walking. I couldn't. I just couldn't look back.

***

When we got to the bus I made my way back to my bunk and climbed in with a heavy sigh. Before anyone could speak to me I drew my curtain and turned on my overhead light. I then grabbed my journal and started to write down my thoughts in rhymes and melodies. It was the only way I really knew how to express myself. I just hated that it meant that others would know how I felt. How I thought. How I processed things.

I stopped mid verse when I heard some quiet voices from the front of the bus. Voices that weren't meant to be overheard by the likes of me.

"They have royally fucked up," Liam muttered softly. I could hear a soft banging, probably a pot or pan being pulled out of the tiny cupboard.

"Do you think this will be the end of the band?" Another voice piped up. It was Niall. I recognized the accent instantly.

"It better not. Those fuck wits need to work this out," Zayn grumbled. "I've worked my ass off. We all have. I don't care if they stay broken up, but they can't ruin this for the rest of us."

I heard a few grumbles in agreement as I gently chewed my bottom lip.

"I don't know what this means. I mean, usually when they get in a tiff they're over it in a few days, if not a few hours. But, I honestly think they're over. The fans have noticed their change in demeanor too. They've noticed it in all of us," Liam spoke up.

"So, what do we do?" Niall asked gently as I heard something start to fry on the stove, making it much harder to hear. I shuffled closer, my bed squeaking a bit which caused me to pause instantly.

"What was that?" Zayn asked. Then things went silent as I held my position. Moments later Louis emerged from down the back room, breaking up whatever was left of their conversation.

"Niall are you going to come play fifa or what?" Louis asked, a little bit of aggravation in his voice. Louis was just as much on edge as I was.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," Niall breathed before I heard both of them shuffle past my bunk and down the hall again before the sliding door shut.

"We need to do something. I can't keep living like this," Zayn muttered before I heard him shuffle down the hall to the bathroom.

"Me neither," I muttered softly under my breath before letting out a gentle sigh.