Purple and Blue

Hurts like hell

I stayed in my bed until we reached the venue, only getting up when I absolutely knew that I had to. And, I knew I had to by Paul literally dragging me out of my bunk. I grumbled out softly and grabbed my bags before following Paul out of the bus and out into the unwelcoming sunlight. I drew my sunglasses down over my eyes and approached the lines of fans. I did my job. Smiled. Signed. Smiled. Signed. And, then I went inside and let the fake smile fall from my lips.

Once we were inside I was rushed to my dressing room where Caroline and Lou got after me for being late. Caroline then shoved some clothes at me telling me to get dressed quickly so Lou could fix up my hair and makeup. Once I was dressed and fitted I was placed in front of Lou who just frowned as she looked me over.

"What's with these dark circles, love? Are you not getting enough sleep?" Lou asked as she went about covering them with her brushes.

"I am," I breathed out softly knowing that if I said no, I'd have to explain why. And, then I'd have to deal with the pity, and I didn't want that.

"Well, I think they're working you too hard, love. Louis had such dark circles too. You poor things," she cooed. I visibly flinched at the sound of Louis' name, my eyes dropping down to look at my lap before I let out an all too heavy sigh.

"You two okay?" Lou asked after a moment as she looked me over slowly. She could read me like a children's book.

"We broke up," I breathed after a few long moments. Lou's jaw dropped as she looked me over slowly.

"What happened?" She asked gently as she brushed my curls out of my eyes.

"Life," I muttered before looking up at her with tears brimming my water line.

***

The show dragged that evening. All I wanted to do was finish singing so I could go to a new empty bed and sleep my life away. Every time Louis had a solo I distracted myself by focusing on the crowd. I waved to fans. I read signs. Which, thankfully I didn't have to do too often. Louis really didn't get as many solos as he deserved. That was one of the things that eventually tore us apart. Jealousy.

I always did everything in my power to help Louis rise up in the band. To get him more solos, and more appreciation. But, it was never enough. No matter what I did, at the end of the day, I always ended up more successful than him. We tried to not let it affect our relationship. But, it did. Louis was jealous by nature. So, even if he was proud of my success, he hated that it wasn't his own. I always tried to reason that it didn't matter. But, that wasn't the way Louis was built. He had to be the best. He always had.

I never wanted all the attention I got, either. So, in his eyes I was ungrateful for all I had earned. Some days when it was really hard on me, all the hate and the media attention he understood. But, on others I think he still wanted to switch places with me. He thought he could handle it, even though I knew he never would be able to. I couldn't.

When the show was finished I stepped off the stage and ran a towel over my face to collect the sweat that was sliding down my forehead. I spotted Louis across the hall doing the same, my eyes dropping as I remembered that any other night I would've been walking over to press a kiss to his lips. But, that was all in the past.

If I were to do that now I'd probably be met with a slap in the face. A well deserved one at that. I sighed softly and let my eyes drift over to Niall who refused to meet my gaze. The boys were mad at Louis and I. I knew they were. They were livid that we couldn't make it after we promised that we would. It was selfish of us to start dating, and it was selfish of us to break up. We were just selfish.