The Stepbrothers

Not so Different

    The water where I had been sitting by was gorgeous. The sun shining on the water gave me a sense of peace and comfort. It was like my little peace of heaven right here at my feet.
    
    Heaven, I thought. What was it like? Does my mom enjoy it? Can she see me? I could feel the pit in my stomach and that aching feeling you get in the back of your throat before you cry.
 
      "Mom, I dont know if you're up there.... somewhere... anywhere....just watching over me, but if you are I really need you. I just I need my mom..I need someone to tell me how to handle this. I don't get it. Why did this happen to me? It's all happening.."I stopped. There were foot steps coming from behind me in the brush.

    "What are you doing here?" It was Nolan. I recognized his voice; it was as cold or harsh as Shawn's. I turned around to see him, he looked as if he had been crying for hours.

    "Nothing, I was just leaving..."I said in a rush.

"No, stay. It'd be nice to have some company for once. It gets kind of lonely out here," his eyes looked heavy and sad but sincere. I nodded and agreed to stay with him for a while.
   
      We sat there for a while just staring at the water until he spoke, "So, what are you actually doing here?"

    I didn't say anything for a minute, " I don't know, waiting to wake up from this dream, I guess."

He nodded as if he understood exactly what I meant.

     "You know, my dad used to bring us down here when we were little. He would sit us down and talk to us about how we have an influence on everything that we touched. That we should make decisions that would influence for the good of people, you know the way God would want it to be. I used to hang on to his every word and told myself that I would follow in my dad's steps and become this Godly man that did only good. But now...now, I don't even know if there is a Good, and if there is he is not in my favour. So when I have a rough day or I start to forget who I am..," his voice started to crack, "I come down here and think about my dad."

This was strange. He was pouring his heart out to me and we hardly know each other.

   "Why are you telling me this..." I asked. He pondered and then just peered over at me. He took one last heavy breath..

" Because we aren't so different. You might think we are but we aren't. We both have trust issues and are still grieving, so I figured if I confided in you that maybe, just maybe we could work this out. If not for us, for our parents." He said.

I nodded, that seems to be all I can do lately is just not. I don't really know what to say to anyone anymore.

"You know, before my mom died I was more it going and ballsy. I actually stood up for myself. There was never a time that I didn't have something to say, but then she died and it felt like she took all if that with her. So I understand what you mean, is that how you feel? Like your dad took that part of you with him when he died? I don't maybe it's just me, but I feel like half of me is missing you know,"

"I feel like that everyday," he said ",it's like I look in the mirror and I don't even recognize the man standing in front of me even though it's myself." He waited for a few minutes, we we're both silent. "Shawn has it worse though. He was dad's mini-me I guess you could say. Literally. He was born on our dad's birthday a few months before me. They did everything together like hunting, fixing cars, football, soccer. They did it all, where ever dad was Shawn wanted to be right next to him. After dad died he quit doing all the stuff he enjoyed. It was like doing it without dad disgusted him and hurt too much, so instead he did everything to distract himself: drinking, smoking, sex. All of it. He was a good kid, but just got put through a bad situation. He was dad's best friend. It was fun at first when we started drinking and smoking and then at some point I got over it. It just wasn't my place or my thing. I guess I do it every once and a while but not really." He confessed.

I laughed and shook my head," I've never done any of that."

" Wait so your a virgin!? And you have never smoked or drank?" I nodded in response.

"It was just never something I had a chance to do or wanted to do I guess," I laughed. The first real laugh I've had since we moved.

He grabbed my hand and yanked me up, "well boy do I have a plan for you."

Hey guys I'm so sorry I haven't updated in who knows how long!!!! But I really hope you enjoy this chapter, it was fun to write again. Xoxo Savs