Harmless

Chapter 2 : Another day; Blurred

We fall so hard, hit the ground and pray that there's not another blow.

I'm not the only kid who grew up this way.

Surrounded by people who only see what's on the outside.

Too afraid to see what's really inside.

I'm not scared to know what's in the inside, too know that your feelings are just like mine.

It gives me a sense of hope, to know that I am not alone.

I'm not the only one who feels so hopeless and small.

The pictures on the bedroom mantel of my mother's room, the smile on my face never meant much to me.

It was all to make you happy or something of the sort.

Never was I ever happy when you were around. Your eyes and voice remind me of the past I wish I could just forget.

I'm older now but, I'm either smoking my cigarettes, weed, or drinking and begging the silence to go away.

Outside is quiet and I have my 6th cigarette lit and about to take another hit.

Ever since I moved with my father, things have gotten better.

Atleast that's what I had thought.

Everything has been so great.

I haven't cut in 2 weeks, I've only lit that cigarette when my mind begins to remember.

I'm in love and I feel wanted.

The monsters no longer haunt my dreams.

The razors are flushed for the first time and the smile on my face is real.

But today, the fight between my dad was the worst I've ever had with him.

Maybe it was because I smoke to much to much.

Maybe it was because I refused to show my phone to him.

I forgot already because my mind is trying hard to forget.

Next thing I know I start hitting him because he compared me to my mother.

I don't even remember what he said, the words and I was driven by fury.

The hits I laid on his chest were something I should have never done

  He pushed me on the bed and I hit my head on the wall.

I got up and was more tgan ready to get back at him.

He grabbed both my wrist and threw me to the floor.

I hit my hands first.

The redness of the hand prints that painted my skin made me scared to get back up.

I did anyway.

I didn't go back to him.

I grabbed my cigarettes and ran out the door.

I didn't dare to look back at him.

I made just way to the side of the house and climbed my way up to the roof.

I had done it before just the other night to get high.

Last night was to escape, today I swear it was to end it.

I lit a Cigarette and sat down on the roof.

My hands didn't even bother to make sure I had a grip.

If I slipped, well then I slipped.

I wasn't going to save myself.

I wasn't going to save myself at all.

I smoked and cried.

My heart was broken and barely beating.

I stood up and walked to the highest of the roof, looking down I imagined my fall.

I let my body fall and crash.

    My body falls and for the first time in a long time I feel...Free.

My hands didn't search for something to stop myself.

My mind didn't race to scattered thoughts.

I let the wind swallow me and drag me down.

The second I hit the ground.

I was dead.

   No turning back now.

     I hope you see the smile on my                face, I hope you can see how I happy I am.

     Now that I am Dead.

The image of my imagination were interrupted by the vibration of my phone in my jacket pocket.

The text was from my Dearest Love.

I read it and the simple words that were spelled out on the dim screen, I began to cry.

The tears blurred my vision but I read the words over and over again.

"I love you, so damn much...please stay with me Forever..."

The words saved me from my fall to death.

He will never know how grateful I am.