Harmless

Chapter 5 : Another Day; Cold.

Now where did I leave off?

I'm always losing my mind.

Looking back at myself. I see I never really got anything right.

I always say the wrong words.

I never meant to be so fucking helpless.

I just wanted to feel better, I just needed that antidote to help me out, but I can't find the needle.

It's lost in all the lies.

Where the hell are you?

I need something strong to give me the strength.

The high to make me feel alive.

Maybe in a different time, a different life and different reality.

Possibly my imagination, you can see how sorry and broke I actually am.

Paranoia is hauling me into the weakest parts of myself.

I can see it all clearly now.

All those dirty looks, They were all on cue. They were waiting for me.

Please take away all the doubt and fear, all the hate and pressure.

I swear one day I will get out of here.

If it's the last thing I do, I have to get out of here.

I'm not myself anymore.

They told me "Pick your Poison."

Well it's not helping.

You're never fucking there.

This place has held me Captive for so long. I don't want to fight anymore.

It's about time to give up.

I'm giving up and you can't change my mind.

Or can you..

I never speak of the future.

I no hope of having a future.

I don't believe in it. I can't wait that long, how can I?

How could you?

Can you really hold on for this fucking long?

Be true to yourself.

Because I never am.

Remember when I was happy?

Was there actually a time where I was?

I haven't been sober for days, weeks, months, years.

The demon is always making me feel sick.

It's pulling me down with a devilish grin.

The smile I've learned to love isn't the one you can picture.

It's not in the magazines.

It's not on your loved ones.

It's deep inside my mind, it's in yours too.

Burned deep inside, it's in every nightmare you've had.

The one you never want to see again.

Well, I see it every single damned day.

I'm always rapped in something, I'm never set free.                            Freedom is not an option.

If I ever told you something that meant the world to you.

If I ever said I love you.

If I ever said something that warmed up your day.

Well, what I really meant to say, is I'm sorry for the way I am.

Sorry for never actually being the happy one.

Never being the one to appreciate in public.

Never been the one to approach you first.

I never meant to be so Cold.

Iced to the touch, not with anger bit with emotions.

Flowing over the top.

I never meant to be the one to let Depression eat me alive, to have Anxiety pick at my very bones.

I'm so cold.

Please, I need your touch.

I need the love you claim to have for me.

Break my walls, invade my mind.

Make me warm, I'm tired of being so Cold..