Unfortunate Events

Event Six: The Ersatz Elevator, Part Two

Malfoy raised a pale eyebrow, giving Hermione a look of incredulity. "What did I do? Why is it that when something goes wrong, it must be my fault?"

"Because it just is. Stuff like this never happens to me unless I'm with you. Now tell me. What. Did. You. Do?"

Malfoy's eyes narrowed, and for a second Hermione wondered if she had been too quick to blame. Maybe he hadn't done anything and this had been a total fluke.

Malfoy looked away, examining his fingernails. "I may have insulted a troll the other day."

Ha! She knew it! Of course he was to blame. She should never have doubted herself.

Still, it was an odd answer.

"Why would that matter?" she asked.

"Because they control the elevators."

"They're not run by magic?"

"I could have sworn I just said trolls operated the elevators. Did I imagine that?"

Hermione was in no mood for Malfoy's sarcasm. Finger pointing in his face, she growled, "What do you mean they're in charge of the elevators?"

"Well you see, Hermione, when this building was constructed back in the 1200s by my great-great-great-great-great-gr—"

Hermione prodded his chest, gritting her teeth. "Get on with it."

"Have I mentioned how utterly charming you are when you're upset? There's this little vein that appears between your brows, right along here." He lifted his finger to show her, but Hermione smacked it away before he could touch her.

Malfoy sighed, shaking his head in disappointment, "Sometimes, I wonder why I even put up with you."

"Just finish the story!"

"Very well, but only because I'm such a good friend."

Hermione clenched her hands into fist, glaring at him. Then she opened her mouth, ready to let loose a river of insults.

"You infuri—"

Malfoy cut her off with a wave of his hand. "Are you going to allow me to tell you the story or not?"

She closed her mouth, pressing her lips together so tightly they turned white.

"That's what I thought. Now when Maximilian Malfoy had this built, he imported five trolls from Scandinavia to operate the elevators, and it's been tradition ever since." Pointing his finger to the ground, he twirled it in a circular motion as he continued speaking, "They push this turnstile-like device, kind of like a stone wheel on its side with sticks coming out of it."

"It's called a capstan," Hermione interrupted, ignoring Malfoy's annoyed glance.

"Well, this capstan is attached to the elevator cables. Spin it clockwise, the elevator goes up; counterclockwise, it goes down. There are three of them, and each one is manned by a separate troll. If we were in my office, I could show you the set up. I've got a viewing window through one of my portraits."

He was trying to wind her up; she was sure of it. Lifting her chin, she demanded, "How come I didn't see it, then?"

"It wasn't activated. Why would I want to spend the whole day looking at those hideous beasts? It's bad enough I have to worry about running into them when I'm walking about the building."

"Why have trolls do something mechanically when a simple spell could accomplish the same thing?"

"Because nothing says opulence quite like elevator-operating trolls."