Since You Left Me

Letting Him Go

Dax and I went and sat down by the coffee table with the rest of his family and started to play. "So are you an only child Bella?" Mr. Ryder asked as I nodded. "Well kind of. I have one older brother Alex but I don't really claim I was raised with siblings because hes nineteen years older than me. And he left before i was born and we don't talk. Haven't ever really." I muttered as Mr. Ryder raised an eyebrow. "So you two aren't close?" I shook my head. "Uh well no, we don't talk. Never have. I haven't really been close to him ever, he joined the army and well became distant. I tried reaching out when I was younger but he different than the stories my mom told me." I sighed as Dax's father nodded. "Well I bet your father is mighty proud." "No sir dad didn't want Alex to go in the army but because Alex isn't his kid, Alex thought he should do whatever dad said not to. So as soon as he turned 18 he was gone. I came a year later, but by then he had already set in his mind he wasn't coming back." "Oh im sorry." Mrs. Ryder said as I shrugged. .No its okay. I didn't even really know him so no harm done." I said as they all nodded. After a long pause and a few giggles Ava cuddled up to me and fell asleep.

"Bella is going to join us on church Sunday and Ava is sleeping." Dax said lightening the mood with a laugh. "Oh that's great." Dax's mom said as Lexy squealed with joy. I didn't even know she liked me all that much. "Yay." "That's good are your parents going too?" Mr. Ryder asked as I shook my head. "Uh, no sir, my dad is probably working and mom, well, she has her own church she goes to and when dad is off work he goes with her." "So you grew up in church?" I shook my head. "No sir my parents didn't really follow God until I was 13 when they almost got a divorce. By then I made excuses to why I wouldn't or couldn't go, but I did go once with a friend when he got baptized and it was great but when I tried going to the church my parents attended the kids were really rude and said some stuff about me so I just quit going all together." I sighed as Mr. and Mrs. Ryder nodded. "Well I heard you went Wednesday with Dax. Did you like it?" Mr. Ryder asked as i nodded. "Yes sir I loved it." "That's good." I nodded rolling the dice. I moved my piece. "Can I ask you a question?" His dad asked looking in my eyes. "Sure."I nodded somewhat alarmed at his seriousness. "Where do you see yourself years from now?" I looked at him before pressing my lips together. "Honestly im not sure sir, I thought I would sing and play piano with a friend of mine, but things have changed. So maybe I will just see where my life takes me." I smiled sadly as he leaned back in his recliner. "What happened if you don't mind me asking? With the plan?" I took a big deep breath before looking over at Dax who put a hand on my knee reassuring me he was there for me. I looked back at his dad and finally said it. I looked back at Dax's dad and made it true. The thing I had been running from for the last two months practically materialized in front of my eyes, just by me speaking the truth. "Eli committed suicide not to long ago." I looked down while saying it but looked back up to see a shocked couple. "Oh honey im sorry." Dax's mom said bringing a hand to her mouth and looking at her husband. "Im sorry to hear that I had no idea." "Its okay Dax has been a great friend. He has been there for me through it all. I couldn't ever repay him. You have raised a great son." I said looking at Dax as I put my hand on his giving him a light smile to say thank you. He nodded as we finished the game off.

We then sat on the couch and talked a little. "Would you mind playing for us since Dax says your so great?" His dad asked and I looked at Dax. I haven't played since the day before Eli died. I sighed and nodded. "I guess." "You don't have to." Dax said reaching an arm out to me. "No Dax its its okay." I said walking over to the big instrument, smiling. I ran my fingers over the ivory keys. It felt as if he were right there holding my hand. I sat down and looked beside me then looked down at the keys. "Its not going to sound the exact same because because im only playing with the piano but ill try and make it sound the best I can." I muttered not turning around and not sure if they could hear me. "Your going to sing too?" Mrs. Ryder asked before I nodded. "What song?" Dax asked. "What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts." I said knowing that song described Eli and I perfectly. "That's a good song." Mrs. R said smiling. I turned and started playing and then I started to sing. It was different not having his voice in sync with mine. Not accidentally touching his hand as we both played the piano. Not looking into his deep blue eyes. Not feeling that sense of warmth I always felt playing with him. But I did feel a sense of security. Like he was there singing with me. And i loved it. I loved the feeling that he was beside me and by the end of the song I knew what I had to do. I knew I had to let him go. If I didn't it would destroy me. And no matter how much I didn't care i knew Dax and Eli did. I knew they would want me to be happy. So the whole time singing, I was letting him go. I was letting my precious Eli go.