RANTS

Untitled Part 7

who would have thought, 

that the night that i met you ( even if we had known each other since before)

(even if our numbers were already on each other's phones)

could be, possibly, too probable,

i think, 

the last night in which i wasn't actually me, simply

electric feel. 

(bare feet against the ground)

(skies above and so high)

(but no higher than us)

(or at least no higher than me)

i fucked it up, but i don't actually regret what i did. 

running away just to find you was, 

most definitedly (surely)

a great beginning of the end

maybe it was just another night for you, 

(because if you were high too, it was probably because we were on a roof)

and i can't believe i'm wasting actual paper and ink on you, (you, amazing! wonderful!)

waisting it on you (fool-around boytoy)

you 

(perhaps something else which i'll never find out)

(my mom tells me i do idolize things too much)

talking about my mom -

i can't believe she will tear our (whatever that was) ((beautiful))

apart

and while we are on that - 

please thank your dad.

and also thank you!

because if i should have kissed somebody it should have been you (you, gentle, friendly, dreamy)

i have a feeling things are about to go wrong. 

i am talking about purple knuckles, and nights laying on the shower floor and no electric feel. 

i will listen to my sad playlist

 ( and try not to play the songs you said you heard when you were sad)

(because i am not sad)

(i'm just numb)

you also said you were a ghost-

and alright that was a joke- 

(and with me everything is a joke)

(except the things that are not)

but in my mind, it wasn't so much. 

especially now.

ps. i will probably forget you in a few weeks

april 2, 2017

(5 days to temporal death)

(x days to be forgiven)

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WOW THIS IS SO CRINGY. just wanna let u know that i wrote this three months ago and omg. as i read it i found some bits that i didn't like or some grammar mistakes but i didn't change anything bc wow. this is so raw and so honest and i don't do a lot of things like that. so this. is. a. literal treasure. 

the ps was partly right i don't swoon over him anymore. in fact i don't find him lovely, nor gentle. my idea of him changed drastically so ya.

i think it is possible to die from secondhand embarassment. bc me from april is such a pussy lmao.