Suicide thoughts (sterek)

Chapter 4( warning)

(Warning self harm )

Stiles had once again fallen asleep while clinging onto Derek and Derek just held him while he slept. They were still in the same position as before with stiles' arms and legs wrapped around dereks neck and torso except Derek had sat down so he didn't have to hold him up.

Stiles was sat on his lap facing him as soft snores escaped him. Derek stroked his back in soothing circles and squeezed his neck. Derek had been crying himself after he witnessed stiles' breakdown earlier and he decided it would be best to clean up so he softly laid stiles down on the sofa and he curled in on himself as Derek grabbed the blanket off the back of the sofa and threw it over stiles' body.

He made his way over to the broken chair and table then knelt down and slowly started picking up the broken pieces of chair, continuously getting splinters struck in his fingers and palm but he didn't care because they healed straight away.

After disposing of the broken table and making sure the floor was clean so stiles of the sheriff didn't step on any splinters Derek decided he needed to shower and change clothes as he had been wearing the same ones for two days now.

He didn't want to leave because he was scared stiles would wake up and think he left for other reasons and so something stupid but he really needed a bloody shower, he could always shower here, he was sure stiles wouldn't mind but non of stiles' clothes would fit Derek.

He decided it would be best to leave a note for stiles in case he woke up and be as quick as possible so he ran to the kitchen and pulled a page of a notebook on the windowsill and grabbed a pen from the table and quickly scribbled a note saying he would be back soon then left it on the arm of the sofa near stiles' head.

---------

Stiles shot up off the sofa about half an hour later but as he did he knocked the note Derek had left him to the floor where it drifted under the sofa. Stiles was completely unaware of this and stood from the sofa, holding onto the arm to steady himself as he always did when he got dizzy from standing up.

He strained his ears after regaining balance and tried to listen out for Derek as he was nowhere to be seen but he couldn't hear anything so he walked towards the kitchen and peered around the dining room then walked towards the stairs.

" Derek?" He called up the stairs but he got no answer so he ran towards the windows and looked out to the drive way only to notice the open space next to his car empty and no sign of dereks Camaro.

Hoe had he been so stupid, so bloody stupid. He was so idiotic to think that Derek would want to stay here. He knew Derek had gotten sick of looking at stiles and how pathetic he was.

Tears spilled from stiles' eyes for what seemed the hundredth time today and he walked back over to the sofa and pulled his knees to he chest and hugged them. He cried hard into his joggers and he felt lonely again. Oh so lonely as he had done for several months and by having Derek over that lonely feeling had vanished but he knew it was too good to be true.

He was stupid to think that Derek wanted him.

Derek had left and stiles didn't blame him. He was too disgusting to look at and with that thought stiles stood and walked up the stairs to his bathroom.

He looked at his reflections in the mirror and he had to turn away. He couldn't look at something as disgusting as himself and neither could others so he lent down to the cupboard under the sink and pushed all the cleaning supplies away until he saw the small black bag he was looking for.

He pulled the bag out and opened it as he looked down into his stash of over 20 blades.

This was the only time he ever felt good, when there was a cold, metal sharp object against his skin.