little blue suitcase ; e. dolan

4 : coffee excuses

ethan grant dolan

✿   august 14th 2017 ✿

+ 3:20 pm

my hand pulls the door handle, allowing the door to swing open for lola to walk in. my eyes look down at my feet as she mumbles a small 'thanks'.

"ethan? ethan, is that you?" a voice calls as i shut the door behind me.

"yes, it is me." i say monotonously as i lead lola towards the stairs, until i am forced to stop when i hear heels click against the tiled floors.

"oh, lola!" my mother gasps when she sees the girl that abandoned us the minute he left. "it's so good to see you, how have you been?" she smiles as they wrap their arms around each other. my eyes roll around in a circle as they make small talk with one another. my mum is extremely engrossed in the bullshit lola is saying about how she was meaning to come by for a while, but struggled to bear the idea of revisiting a home that her boyfriend once lived in. it was enough to realise that my mum was high in this moment. maybe not particularly on a high, but definitely on a marijuana buzz. she wasn't her usual depressed self. her sad, grieving mother figure that mourns the loss of her number one child.

tears fall from lola's eyes, almost making a scoff escape my lips.

"oh, darling, sh it's okay." my mum's voice soothes her cries as she holds her close. "come on, why don't we go out? get a coffee? it would be nice to catch up." god, no. she was supposed to stand in his room and then leave. never come back. now she wants to have a coffee date with my mother.

"uh, yeah why not?" lola gives her a soft smile.

"ethan? why don't you come?"

"yeah, no." i say with finality, grabbing onto the railing of the stairs and turning to walk up them. maybe they'll go for coffee, mum will drop her home and then lola will forget about visiting his bedroom.

"ethan, please. i'm sure the two of you could do with some catching up too."

the door opens and the three of us look to the front. my father walks through with his blazer on his arm and a briefcase in his hand. he looks up and smiles when he sees lola and i groan slightly, wanting everyone to leave so i can just be alone.

"lola, it's so good to see you." they proceed to converse for a few minutes, which is my queue to leave. i walk up the stairs of my home, about to walk into my bedro-

"ethan?" i hear my dad call me back and i sigh loudly before stomping down the steps.

"yes?" my eyelids are droopy as i speak with little care.

"go with your mother and lola."

✿

+4:14pm

i sit quietly, although i am burning inside. tingles of animosity sting through my body as my ears were forced to listen to her and my mother grieve the loss of him. constantly repeating words of sick-to-the-stomach sympathy.

i grow angry at the way they talk about him. like he is nothing but a distant memory and that we all should be moving on with our lives. they converse their lies back and forth, making my rapid breathing quicken as i become disgusted by the way they're talking. they have no right to 'move on' from him. he left seven months ago. they can't forget. he is my brother, and they're treating him like chopped liver.

"well, you know you can visit any time you like. you are welcome to come for dinner any time." my mum speaks sweetly and i glare at her. we are sitting at a circular table, the two of them opposite one another as i sat in between. the two acted as if i was completely invisible. i don't know why i am even here, allowing my ears to bleed out from all of their bullshit.

"and you are welcome to go through grayson's things whenever you please."

this gives me enough adrenaline to slam my palms on the table, a glass of water being flung across the room and shattering on the dustless floor of the upper class café.

they both flinch as they look up in horror at my flustered face.

"no! how dare you invite this bitch into our home and offer a seat at our dinner table. how dare you allow her to rummage through his precious belongings and destroy the memories that lie within them!" my voice booms through the room as people turn and stare in abhorrence, but i don't care one bit.

"this is not how today was supposed to go. lola was supposed to have a look around his room to feel some 'spiritual connection' that would give her 'comfort during her grieving process'." i throw my arms around at the emphasises of the quotation marked phrases. "you were supposed to leave right away. my mother was not supposed to invite you to coffee, and i should not be here to listen to the two of you become best friends over the subject of him."

"ethan, calm down, please." my mum whispers. i can tell by her eyes that she is growing embarrassed and scared. scared of me. what i might do. what i might say.

"you have no right in entering his space, lola. i never should have let you manipulate me into inviting you into my home. i never should have listened to you!"

"ethan, i'm sorry," her voice is almost inaudible as she stands from her chair and inches closer towards me. "i never meant to hurt you like that. i wasn't trying to invade you and your brother's space." her hand reaches out to my shoulder, but my hand swats her away quickly as i move back.

"don't you dare touch me!" i shout loudly. i don't even acknowledge the scene i am creating that is causing eyes to burn holes through my back.

i take a heavy breath, it almost getting caught in my throat before storming outside, my fists tight and my teeth pressing tightly against one another.

"ethan, ethan wait!" i hear their screechy voices that make me sick, and i don't hesitate at all. i just keep walking.

✿

idk what i'm doing with this. sorry for not posting in a month, lost interest for a bit but i think i'm back