Larry Stylinson

I Have Sinned

I'm going to hell for writing this.

Dear Diary,

My dad is making me help out with confessions again this Sunday. I really hate doing this, no offence to God or anything, but it's so freaking boring. I wonder if something interesting will happen this time. I can only pray.

Knock knock joke 372:

Knock, knock. Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mop who? Ew, you eat your poo?

Classic.

-Harry

I stood at the door, shaking everyone's hands as they walked in. Some, I knew from school. Others, I knew from them just coming here. There were a few new faces, and everyone was all equally sickeningly sweet... except for one. 

Jay was going in for a handshake when she smiled at me and said, "Why, hello there young Harry! How are you this fine Sunday morning? Ready to praise God for yet another beautiful day?"

"I'm doing just fine and of course I am, why wouldn't  I be?"

"Oh, Harry, you're such a sweet boy. I wish my son was as positive as you."

Except for the fact that I hate everyone.

She continued, "Here he comes now." She turned to the side and pointed to a boy in ripped black jeans and a black v-neck. His tattoos were very... nice... and he was very... fit... and he flicked the cigarette in his hand to the side.

"Louis! I told you not to be smoking around the church," his mother scolded.

"Jesus knows I'm smoking whether I'm on church grounds or not, damn," he said with a higher pitched voice than I expected, however, it still made my insides melt like butter on a hot summers day.

"Louis, language!"

"Jesus can hear me where ever I go," he sassed as he walked up the steps. I looked around and saw people giving him disapproving looks and I suddenly felt angry. Who cares if he's not dressed as nice as others? Who cares if he cusses? Everyone does. Half of the people here smoke and don't get crap for it. I'm so sick of the fucking hypocrites.

"You know, he's right. It's not any different than being at home, or at school," I said, sticking my large hand out to shake his.

"Exactly, church boy," he said with a smirk as his hand slipped into mine. I felt my cheeks heat up slightly as I couldn't held but think- what an amazing grip this lad has...

***

I sat in the little boxed in room that was set off to the side by the alter. I was on Instagram and trying not to fall asleep as I listened to my father drone on and on about Jesus and what not. Don't get me wrong, I love Jesus... it's just really boring to listen to.

After he closed the service in prayer, I heard him sigh happily, "Thank you all so much for showing up and worshipping today, I know the Lord appreciates it," You can almost hear me rolling my eyes. "You may grab refreshments on your way out and anyone who would like to be forgiven for their sins, you know where to go."

I sighed and clicked the power button on my phone. I mentally prepared myself for the boringness I was going to have to endure.

***

I lied about my grades.

I cussed in front of my wife.

I smacked my kid.

I yelled at my mommy.

I took the last cookie.

Are you fucking kidding me right now.