Drifting

Chapter 1

"There is no way I'm spending the entire summer in Ft. Lauderdale." My mom narrows her eyes as I express my hatred for her whole "get over your depressive state" plan, she thinks the ocean air will be good for me but really the only thing I need is my bed and a couple episodes of One Tree Hill. I'm not depressed I just miss how things used to be. All my friends had gone off to college but with recent events, I'd been forced to take a gap year which really took a toll on my mental state.

"It'll be good for you... help you take your mind off of... you know." I instantly knew who she was referring to, my brother passed away a few years ago and my dad just took off after that leaving my mom and me to fend for ourselves.

"I promise mom I will be just fine at home, in my own bed." My mom reaches into the refrigerator to grab a bottle of wine, she only drinks when she gets stressed and I have a feeling I am the culprit of her stress today.

"Honey," She pops the cork and begins to pour herself a glass, "I'm sure you'll make lots of friends in Lauderdale."

"I don't want to make friends, I want to be at college with my own friends." My mom sighs a look of annoyance and despair written across her face. Which normally meant she was thinking of my dad. I knew I was bothering her so I thought it'd be best if I just went to pack and to accept that I won't win her over on this one.

I make sure my bedroom door slams closed with much emphasis, then while falling back onto my bed I bury myself in the soft white duvet I loved more than life itself. If my grandparents didn't have bed sheets with the equivalence of at least a 1000 thread count I would walk right out of their house. No joke.

I didn't even realize that I'd fallen asleep until I'm jolted awake by the clattering of what seemed like twenty pots and pans falling to the floor followed by my mom's cursing. "Mom are you alright," I groan as I start to pull myself out of bed.

"Yes honey, I'm just fine." She calls from downstairs. I contemplate going back to sleep then spending the whole night awake but I decide against it. I really did need to pack.

2 hours later I emerge from my room carrying 3 duffle bags filled to the brim with endless amounts of my favorite shirts, dresses, and bathing suits even though I wouldn't be needing those. I zip up my bag and toss it into the hall with an aggravated sigh. How was I supposed to spend the entire summer with grandparenIs I'd only met twice in my entire life?

I fall asleep early that night in preparation for the long day ahead of me dreaming of my dad and his absence. My brother James died about three years ago. It was a miracle little James was ever born in the first place. After me my parents were told it wasn't safe for them to have anymore children my mom was devastated, she spent years neglecting and resenting me saying I'd ruined her which allowed for my father and I to get very close. Although most men would run from a depressed woman he was always supportive of my mother making sure he was always by her side at her worst and best moments. But finally on my twelfth birthday, my mom found out she was pregnant with James I was so happy to at last be a big sister and to finally have a mother who was happy. During her pregnancy the doctors told her that delivery would be tedious and there was a high risk of her or the baby not making it. My mom tried to remain positive, it was easier her to remain positive now rather than the ten years she spent crying while she still had one healthy child. I wasn't angry though I just wanted a baby brother. Miraculously James and my mother made it out alive and for once my family was happy, picturesque even. We went on lavish trips the four of us, James loved the ocean and water from a very young age. We practically had to chase him out of the water every 5 minutes because even though he couldn't swim he always seemed to gravitate towards the water no fear at all. When James was 18 months old we moved into a huge house on the southern coast of Georgia it had a pool and even adjoined Tennis Courts which my father was over the moon about. Everything seemed absolutely perfect until it wasn't. James was diagnosed with Leukemia two days after his second birthday. My mom lost it, my dad and I told James who was too young to understand that he was dying the big scary needles were only trying to help him not inject medicine that would take his beautiful blonde curls right off his head. Mom couldn't handle it she didn't come out of her room she wouldn't come to the hospital when James went through Chemo and radiation. She just wouldn't come out until the doctor said that James was going to survive which we all thought he would. Things were looking up about 10 months into the treatment they'd stopped the cancer from spreading but there was still no guarantee. I'd found there never truly was. On James' third birthday we told him he could finally have a pool party we'd let him swim with a life vest. My mom finally held James in her arms as he blew out the candles. It would be the last time she'd hold him like that. James died a few days later, my dad and I let him swim in the pool with his vest while we played some tennis the courts weren't even 100 feet away our eye on him every second. But that wasn't enough we found him lying on his face in the pool not breathing, by the time the ambulance got to him it was too late. My dad moved out shortly after his death because my mom was even worse than before he just couldn't handle it anymore. She'd improved slightly with some therapy and medication but she worked constantly now reversing the roles, I was now feeling the brunt of sadness and the loss of my brother, also my dad. I'd never admit it though my motto being "I'm fine." And that was enough for everyone to believe I truly was fine. I wasn't though. Yet.
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"Text me as soon as the plane lands alright honey?" My mom kisses my forehead, I could tell she was sad letting me go always afraid I'd never come back, but she had my best interest at heart I went along with everything she did always keeping that in mind.