Something Just a Little Different (Jasper Hale)

Personal Challenge

Jasper picked absentmindedly at the grass under his fingers, his thoughts in a far away place that he usually didn't let them go. In life, death, and rebirth, Jasper had always been one for control, for discipline, from being raised in the conservative south, to his time as a soldier, to becoming a general, to leading an army of newborn vampires, he had always had some sort of control, of authority, of resolve.

But after Alice, after the Cullens, he had struggled. His mind and instincts were wild and primal. They didn't listen to command or reasoning, they listened to the blood rushing through veins, to the sounds of heartbeats, pulses, to the intoxicating scent of sweet blood, just so accessible under the paper of human skin. It made everything he was ever taught, whether about being human or vampire, fight and struggle against his own self. To give in to the urges or to follow his new moral code of living.

He honestly preferred the vegetarian lifestyle, no longer adding new guilt of innocent life taken on top of the countless piles of old guilt from his younger life, but damn, was it taking its toll, not only on his body, but his mind.

He was a soldier. A general. A damn good one, at that. He had spent the majority of his human and newborn life demonstrating the capacity of ultimate discipline.  And the fact that he was letting things like hunger urges threaten his resolve, his morality, was eating away at his mind.

He knew he would be able to get over wanting to just absolutely consume Bella. Even now, the time spent while with Bella was helping ease the burning sensation in the back of his throat whenever the scent of sweet blood hit his nostrils. He hadn't had an incident since the birthday party- hadn't had an actual slip up in decades. He was learning, getting better everyday, getting closer to the ultimate control he could see in Alice and Carlisle. He had thought, anyway.

But Arri Wills was a completely different story. He had never, in his years of existence, smelled anything as intoxicating as the blood that ran through her veins. Had never felt the fire in the back of his throat with such intensity, had never been so sure of his impending self deprecation when he could no longer control himself around her. He had controlled himself once, by some miracle, but he knew it was only a matter of time. Quite honestly, he was surprised she had made it this far without being the target for any other vampire within a ten mile radius. Her scent was like a beacon amidst a sea of non-fragrant humans. But then he felt guilty. She had made it so far, only to be put in such close proximity to the one who more than likely end her.

His fingers dug roughly into the earth, balling into fists as his hatred for his vampiric course came back to the forefront of his mind, the feeling of helplessness nagging at him.

This was why he was deep in the woods, as far away from Edward as he could get, so he could be absolutely alone with his thoughts without fear of prying minds. So that he wouldn't feel guilty when Edward would look at him with that pitying expression, one that just couldn't possibly understand.

Of everyone, he was the only one who hadn't been born into the non-human diet of the Cullen clan. He had tasted the addicting ambrosia, soft liquid with the distinct taste of fear and adrenaline, had felt the thrill of the kill. He had been taught to feel remorseless, that this was the natural order of things, and had his mind so clouded by the haze of war to forget he, too, had been human once. But it had all come crashing back soon enough. Now, he had to fight to remain in control and to remind himself of the withdrawals and the crippling guilt that had encircled his heart in the sharpest barbed wire.

Jasper inhaled deeply, closing his eyes and resting his head against the solid bark of the tree he was leaning against, focusing hard on the earthly smells around him, trying to mentally ground himself and drag his thoughts back into his tactful state of mind.

Arri Wills. The ultimate temptation.

The final test.

That was it.

If he could learn to control himself around her, could manage to somehow not kill her and drain her dry, then he would have no problem controlling himself around normal humans, with their dull scented blood.

His eyes snapped open with determination. He had made his decision.

He had found his final test.

He would make it through this school career without killing Arri Wills. He would control every urge, every instinct, and he would come out successful. Or she would die trying.