The Mask Of Depression

Gone

Why cant I kill my self already? I ask my self every day and every night. Why is it so hard? I mean, to tell people how im feeling? Maybe its because they would make a joke of it. Maybe its because they would say im just saying it for attention. Why would i have a picture of me crying and saying i wish i could die already and send it to someone? Just for attention? Yeah maybe it is for attention but its because im reaching out for help but no body is willing to take my hand. Nobody is willing to listen to my problems, and what i go through. So many people think im happy and they don't realize the pain im going through. They don't notice that I'm depressed because I throw on a fake smile every morning but by the time I'm alone everything changes. My emotions come out from within and the tears flood my eyes. My eyes are the clouds just releasing all of it's weight, and my mind is the wind, it doesn't know which way to go. My frustration is the different temperatures colliding to create a tornado where im losing everything i have. My life is the earth moving from within creating an earthquake where everything is soon to be destroyed just within a few seconds. My depression is the tectonic plates crashing creating a mountain, the mountain grows every year and it becomes harder to climb. Its harder to try and reach the top when it will take such a long time to do so that all of your hope is gone so you decide to give up and then fall back to the bottom. My heart is the titanic, it sinks farther and farther everyday,but the pain grows because I lost someone. Me. I lost so much hope of my future and my dreams because everyone thinks less of me. That i can't reach those goals. Tht they think im going to be some bum who doesn't work a day in their lives and lives off of welfare. Though they don't know they are truly destroying who i want to be i still have to throw on a fake smile and laugh anyway. I honestly don't know who im becoming. My mood swings are so bad because im trying my hardest to be what everyone wants me to be. They don't see that im trying i really am. The worst part about it,is that they don't see it. They don't notice the pain. They don't notice my miserably. Though i want to cry so badly throughout the day. They notice it. Maybe they wouldn't notice me. Gone