Yesterday, Today, Forever

I Never Let You Go.

This chapter is longer(yay!).

    "Will you ever love me again?" Lexa plead, despite knowing there was no way that Clarke ever could.

    "I don't think you understand. I will never be able to stop loving you, Lexa. Trust me, I tried. It's like loving you is a part of who I am, I can't just walk away from that. I know I still love you, I just don't know if I can trust you again,"

    "I know," Lexa admitted. She understood more than Clarke knew. Lexa also tended to have a hard time trusting people, herself included. In fact, after how she had treated Clarke, she almost couldn't trust herself either.

    "The worst thing is that I couldn't do the same. Even after I knew for sure that you were gone, I couldn't bring myself to let you go. I'm pathetic," Clarke sighed. She couldn't keep herself from her feelings for Lexa no matter how hard she tried. She had stayed in her tent for three days, not even leaving for meals, after Lexa had left her. Her people had watched their leader mourn, and it hadn't been kind to her reputation.

    "I never let you go, Clarke. You were right. I was scared, so I ran. I didn't know what to do, and it seemed like the only option. I thought that maybe if I could distance myself from you, that the love I had for you would fade. That maybe if I could find it in me to leave, you would finally be safe from me, from who I really am. I'm not good for you, Clarke" Her words were heavy, and they matched her expression. It was getting late, and the exhaustion from her travels to Arkadia was starting to show on her.

    Clarke was taken aback by Lexa's falter in facade. She was normally so solid in her pretense that the change in approach was surprising. Never did she let her real feelings show, except when she was alone with Clarke, but even then it always caught her off guard.

    "I don't need saving from you, Lexa. I love you," the blonde boldly remarked. "I get to decide whether or not I want to be with you, you don't get to choose for me."

    "Clarke this is only the beginning. I don't know how to do this, us. I was born to lead, born to be a ruthless commander. Love is not in my job description. I know you're hurting now, but if you give it time I can assure you that you will find someone who will treat you as you deserve. I'm not sure I will ever be capable of treating you-"

    "No!" Clarke exclaimed. "You're the one who came here, remember? Not me, you. You came here and brought all of my emotions back to the surface, just at the sight of you. I know you're afraid, I am too, but that's no reason to give up. You're a warrior, Lexa. Warriors don't back down from a challenge due to fear, they fight. If fighting is what it takes for us to work, then I'm ready, but I can't do this alone," Clarke's words were spoken with false assurance, but Lexa was still clearly too exhausted to see through Clarke's semblance. Plus, hope was too tempting to fight in the moment.

    "Are you certain?" Lexa sleepily resolved, even though it was originally meant to be a question.

    "Couldn't possibly be more sure. Come here," Clarke opened her arms, inviting Lexa for the first physical contact for over four months. Lexa gladly accepted her offer, lumbering over and falling into the embrace. As both of the girls sighed into the hug, it was as though the two fit together seamlessly. And despite knowing there would be many trials ahead of them, there was now a shared sense of peace that was previously absent. "Let's get you to bed," Clarke suggested.

Author's Note:
I couldn't leave them upset for too long!! My gay little heart couldn't take it.
I'm still not set on an upload date, but we'll see. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying it so far, votes and comments are always appreciated.