No Pain Tomorrow (A Grayza Fanfic)

1. Loss and Misery

Gray grabbed Erza's hand, tangling their pastel fingers together and ran out the door and into the backyard.

"W-where are you taking me?" A sudden excitement pumped her heart wildly but she wouldn't accept the feeling. Gray didn't answer her. He kept on dragging her until finally, they had stopped in the middle of the park. It was drizzling; the sky was colorless and the portrait, still. He breathed, then walked over to a bench and pulled out a tiny box from underneath.

"Come here." He voiced and as curious as Erza could get, she headed towards him.

Upon seeing what was in the box Gray was holding, Erza took a tiny step back. A lifeless cat made the world even gloomier around them.

"It died last night." Gray spoke quietly. The rustling of the trees, the blowing of the wind and the falling of the droplets on the bench made it hard for Erza to hear.

She quietly walked forward and placed a sympathizing hand on his shoulder. "What do you feel?" He asked. "Huh?" Erza frowned."What do you feel? Don't you feel pain? Don't you feel sad?" Erza thought for a while. Thought hard. And then replied, "I feel loss." "Loss...""Yes." Gray placed down the box and looked at her. His eyes were tinted red and it was hard to notice weather he was crying or was it just rain that slid on his cheeks. "I'm glad." He cracked the faintest smile. It became impossible for Erza to know Gray's feelings at that time. Why was he glad that she could feel loss? She didn't understand him but maybe, she will someday. And maybe that's what Gray is hoping for a girl who can't feel pain.

--

It was another day. Another passing day where everything turns black or white with no difference. Either you're living or either you're dead, it makes no sense to the one who can't even feel the slightest suffering.

They were both sitting across each other in her room. She tried to keep him out but it didn't work. A paper and a pen were in front of them and Erza perplexedly stared at Gray who was staring back.

"Write something." He said to her."What?""Something. Anything.""Why?" "Just write."

She stared down at the paper for a few long seconds before replying, "I don't want to." "Why not?" Gray spoke softly. Yesterday his heart was beating fine, today, it was slowing down by each minute. But he didn't let her know that. He hid his pain yet again. How miserable it was to conceal such a thing.

"I can't think of anything to write." She said, her eyes wandered around Gray's for a while. "If you start writing, maybe you will."

Seeing how his expression was slightly changing as he suddenly clenched his heart with a grimace, Erza couldn't argue anymore and picked up the pen and the blank paper.

Gray smiled at her and she hoped that she could smile back too but her heart wasn't open enough to do that. Without feeling pain, she became a person who couldn't describe feelings. but perhaps, she felt something for him too...perhaps, it was misery.

--

Erza laid on her messy bed. She followed the cracks on the ceiling just to pass her time before the session begins. A tiny blade was between her fingers and a million thoughts were running in her head. It was so strange and funny how suddenly she was so keen and eager to feel pain. 

To experience the ache Gray was experiencing. It was easy for her to slit her wrist but waiting for the pain wasn't. Nevertheless, she could try. She could try since she had a feeling that her therapy was working. That maybe, it was possible she could feel pain, even if it's just a sting, it would make her happy.

She raised both her arms, a blade ready to burn the skin.

It wasn't that she was afraid of the outcome but a feeling that 'this was it, I can feel pain' was stopping her from doing what was unchallenging for her.

However, right when the blade met Scarlet's skin, there was a rapid knock on the door. The sudden thumping made her drop the blade and sit up straight."It is him." Was her first thought.

The pounding stopped and Erza made her way to the door.

She opened it without thought and unexpectedly, her body felt heavy and was about to lose the balance.

Grabbing on the edge of the door with one hand and Gray's weak body on the other, Erza's eyes grew wider and anxiety encased her heart.

She couldn't pronounce his name and neither did she know what to do in such a situation. Her mind went completely blank and her only focus was on Gray who was paler than most yesterdays, the cracks on his lips had become evident and his eyes were redder than most hours that she spent with him.

He finally looked up, tears streamed down his face and fell on the broken rugs. "I'm sorry..." Erza could feel the deep pain in his voice.

She shook her head and tried to straighten his body up but he stopped her. He grabbed her arm as tight as he could and she felt such coldness seeping into her nerves. "I'm sorry that I couldn't make you love me back."

It was only after those words that Gray's sight turned into darkness, his heart stopped it's beating and regret was the only thing he endured before he could finally feel the last pain ever.