They were constantly asking who I was talking all the time. They told me that it seems like my phone found its haven, and it's in my ears. They put sarcasm on that statement but I knew they are really after who you are. I wanted to utter your name, that it was you Im putting all my time. Myself was always eager to tell people that Im speaking to an important person yet I ended up not being out-spoken. The idea was great but I was never brave enough to be out and proud. It is shameful and unforgivable, I guess. So pardon me for the boisterious act.
This was immature and insensitive. I don't say that Im not proud of you, of "us". It's just that give me time to breathe in the situation and breathe out this oppresive burden Im carrying.
My fragile backbone broke because of too much luggages. I don't understand why my backbone not my hands broke. But when you entered my life I just found the answer, it was because I hid all my feelings behind. I became so dishonest and secretive. I put myself in constant reservation. I wasn't honest with myself, not a bit.
Give me a little time for "us" was also in constant confusion. I knew the moment you notice this statement you'll instant burn your cheeks up and think that I was using you. Babe, I wasn't. I am just confuse and blown away by my mind. Yes, my mind was unstable.
It affects my totality. My personality. Myself.
I was bewildered by the society and it's way of living. The way they put labels and brands in every person. I was naive and primitive. Seeing those people making love fearlessly with sins makes me starve to see more. It makes my soul want more, and my curiousity pushed me to gossip more. Then I understand less and learn more. I dive into different emotions. With so much explorations I lost myself.
Everything blinded my blind eyes.
I tried swimming but I remember I ain't capable of swimming, so eventually I drown without anyone noticing my disappearance. I was in search until now, seeking the enlightenment not my lost self.
Babe, Im such a fool of not telling you about my dilemma. Honestly, you are my latest discovery. "Us" was my favorite sin. "us" was unstoppable. It is young and wild. Erotic and romantic. "us" wasn't lust but an absolute verity. You put me in situations I am certain that is true. You bring back my purity. Your straight forward mouth utter the most hateful honesty. You makes me feel bad 'bout my disgrace and flaws. You committed the most dangerous sin to me, your honesty. I was thankful for that truth. Your bad mouth was a sweet music to my ears. And you were my perfect crime.
"Us" was just pure sincerity and curiousity. Yet people around us continuously struggle to destroy what was high and strong. People misunderstood what was ours. What was yours, what was mine. They did not understand that we start change to find our worth. I wanted to kiss your lips in front of them, to tell these barbaric people that their is nothing wrong with what was in the table. You and me were not the sin but the corrupted mind of these people. These people who kept jugding our hearts. These people who did not comprehend that we are the lost soul they never noticed. We were just building ourselves hoping for their acceptance.
This boy loving a boy, this girl loving a girl were never given a chance to express their love and concern. They were abandoned. "We" were abandoned and ignored by the society and even with our own family.
Therefore, as one of them, I bottled up myself with so much question and confusion. Babe, I wasn't strong as you are. I am still in the process of absorbing your knowledge and bravery. I commend your outlook and stand about this matter. It was you who keeps me moving forward even in times of suicidal decisions. I like who you are and wish that I am as fierce as you are.
