If You Love Me Let Me Go (Scömìche)

15

I stopped asking for sex, and he stopped kissing me.

Every night I would make myself wait until it was barely past midnight, sometimes pretending to be asleep and sometimes trying to start a conversation, but neither sex, nor the kisses, nor Scott's story ever came up. It was as if we were both exchanged after that brief conversation in the shower about a week ago. And I realized, that what I'd already interpreted as infatuation had actually just been a small crush, and the infatuation was ironically enough developing now that we weren't even that physically close. But it also felt kind of good. I didn't even realize that taking a step back might sort some stuff out and be really, really helpful.

Scott came into my room holding a tray with chocolate cake. I smiled. What was happening?

"Happy birthday, Mitchy."

My eyes widened. What?!

He kissed the top of my head, resting the tray on my lap as I sat against the headboard of my bed. But- my birthday was in- it was next month, not now, what?

"What day is it?" I choked out, completely shocked.

Scott furrowed his brows worriedly.

"July 24th. A Saturday."

I nodded, looking at the tray, still in shock.

"I've been here for, over- over a month? One and a half?"

He nodded sadly.

"I'm sorry I couldn't throw you a big party, this is all I could do." He pointed at the cake. "But I hope you like it anyway. I made it myself." He smiled, seemingly proud of his newly found baking skills. I smiled back, his smile was too contagious. I tried a bite of the cake and holy shit, it was heavenly. I let out an embarrassing moan, covering my mouth afterwards but feeling my cheeks get red already. He chuckled, though, as he came to sit next to me. "Any plans for today?"

I shook my head, snorting. "What, my only plan is that maybe I get to get out of this room for a day."

"I can't bring you outside, I'm sorry. But I got a little surprise for you here."

"Another? This cake is already a surprise!"

Scott smiled shyly.

"I wanna make this the best possible birthday."

He suddenly pulled out a bag from under my bed. How long has it been there?! He reached inside and took out a obviously self-wrapped box, about twenty different bows scattered on it. I laughed at the colorful present.

"What, you're gonna laugh at my wrapping skills? It looks amazing, admit it!" Scott joked playfully, joining into my laughing.

"Scott," I said after a few moments, now seriously. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"Don't be silly. It's your eighteenth birthday, you deserve the world." Then I thought I heard him mutter, "not only on your eighteenth birthday," but my mind could've made that up, too.

Excitedly, I opened the package and examined what I saw. It was a golden bracelet, a flat part on the front and chain on the other side, it was gorgeous.

"Scott, why-"

"Read the engraving," he urged and I did. Tears welled up in my eyes.

I'm sorry. You deserve better.

"I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am," Scott said quietly, breaking the silence. "For taking everything away from you."

"Thank you," I just said. I didn't know what else to say. I put it on my wrist, admiring it, smiling at the gift.

"You're such an amazing boy, Mitchy..." Scott began. "I can't even tell you enough."

Scott was a cold-hearted murderer? My ass.

"Scott, you too-" I began, tears threatening to fall but I didn't let them. "I know how we met was definitely not under the best circumstances, but I know you're not a bad person. I think I've gotten to know you enough during those... one and a half months, and I think that you think you're a bad person in general. You're not, I can see it in your eyes. It's never too late to step back out, you know..."

He sighed, averting his look from me, instead fixing it on his hands. "Sometimes it is too late."

"Just try it." I took his hand, trying to get him to shift his focus back to me but he didn't.

"I can't." He shook his head. "I'm dead the moment I step out of this house."

I nodded. Of course. Basically all of Arlington was trying to find him.

"Mitchy?" He looked back up to me, and it made my heart skip. But his eyes were red and watery, and I didn't like that at all. No, please don't cry, Scotty...

"What is it?" I asked softly, resting my hand on his cheek, caressing his stubbly skin with my thumb.

"I- I need to talk to you."

"Then do it, honey."

He looked up at the pet name but didn't say anything. He was usually the one to use pet names, I'd never done that before. But he didn't comment, so either he was too busy dealing with much bigger problems or he didn't care. I hoped it was the latter.

"Not now."

I frowned, tilting his chin up to look at me again.

"Why not?"

He shook his head.

"I- I need to think this through," he said. "Think about what I want to tell you."

"Okay." I ran my fingers through his blonde waves, hoping he accepted it as a comforting gesture. "Take all the time that you need."

"Thank you," he murmured, shuffling closer to me. I could feel my heartbeat quicken. If there was one thing I wished for on my birthday, it was a kiss. One last kiss before we forget everything that ever happened. But that wish obviously didn't get granted. Scott stood up, running his fingers nervously through his hair. "I- if you want to, I'll set up a table for tonight. We could have a- a platonic date, so to speak. For your birthday. Downstairs."

I smiled at his shyness and found myself nodding.

"Of course, you idiot. How could I ever say no to a platonic birthday date?"

A wide grin spread on his face, too.

"See you at 7, Mitchy." And with that, he was out of my room.