Faith and Fate

June 11th

June 11th

Today is my birthday. I am officially an adult now. Most people would be so happy to turn eighteen. I'm legally allowed to drink, go clubbing and a heap of other stuff. Those things don't matter to me. All that matters is that they weren't here... they aren't here.

I was given this journal three weeks ago to write down my 'feelings'. My psychiatrist thought it might help me 'cope'. She can go screw herself. She thinks she knows everything about me, as though she can see inside my head. She knows nothing about what goes on inside my head and I don't plan on her finding anything out either. Enough of her, I didn't decide to write in this just to rant about her.

My name is Faith. Faith Rose Williams. It's ironic really because I don't have faith. I don't believe that 'God' exists. I don't believe in the Devil and I don't believe in Heaven or Hell. I especially don't believe in ghosts or spirits. If ghosts were real they would have visited me. Even if it was my fault...

Living with Lucy has been a new experience. She doesn't seem to know what to do with me. Me: a teenage girl with no immediate, and no relations in the country. She didn't really have a choice about taking me in, until I turned eighteen anyway. Lucy has no children, has no interest in having children and is perpetually single. She was Dad's childhood best friend and they lived next door to each other for seventeen years.

Lucy seems determined to make this my home. This will never be my home. I don't belong here, I belong with them: Mum, Dad, and Jonah.