Faith and Fate

June 21st

June 21st

Lucy wouldn't let me come here yesterday. I again was awake all night, picturing this sight and remembering. Their graves are on a cliff, nowhere near the cemetery. This is where we used to come and watch the sunset, Jonah swinging on the swing tied to the only tree here. It's a beautiful spot, long green grass, daisies in the summer and the tree with the swing. That's why I chose this place, because of all the happy memories we shared here...

June 21st cont.

They all appeared about half an hour ago. I was sitting on the swing reminiscing of happier times, when they came...

Jonah still hasn't said a word; he is just staring at me, his face devoid of emotion. Mum keeps repeating: 'You should be with us', she isn't moving at all, only staring ahead blindly and talking... Dad hasn't said anything either; he's glaring at me again, it's like he's trying to see right into my soul. Now, I'm leaning against the lone tree and they are hovering in mid-air off the edge of the cliff...

Dad is starting to scare me, it's as though he hates me (which I can understand), but there seems to be something more...

I think I'm going to pass out... I'm not even related to any of them...

It was Dad who told me. Originally he was calm, he said: 'You aren't even our child,' then he yelled 'we took you in and this is how you repay us! You murder us all when we are sleeping!' he took a deep breath before continuing, to get his control back, 'You should be here, dead, not us.'

That felt like he had stabbed me in the heart...

I think I gaped at him for five minutes before collapsing; trying to process what he had just told me...

I managed to crawl back to the tree, which is where I'm sitting now. No one has spoken since then... Mum is leaning against Dad, her energy and will spent...

Jonah is closer to me, but still over the edge...

I can faintly hear the waves pounding against the rock face far below, like drums leading me to my execution...

I can't stay hear, the drums are telling me... I can't be terrorised for the rest of my life by my past, the drums are telling me...

I know they won't welcome me, but there is nothing after death for those who aren't needed, so it doesn't matter anyway...

Jonah has spoken to me, one word... He is still stood off the edge, beckoning me towards him and the drums below...

I know what he wants, Dad made it very clear that he wants the same. Mum is an emotionless, empty shell, so I'm not sure what is thinking, if anything...

The one word Jonah said was:

'Jump'...