Our Little Secret

Chapter Four: Ready or Not?

Peep the riddle in the last three chapter titles.
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Tony groaned and grabbed his pillow putting it on top of his head. He hoped his parents wouldn't check on him and he'd get to stay home without question. He could hear the shuffling throughout his house and he pulled his blanket over his body making sure he was completely covered.

Tony couldn't face Clay outside and certainly not at school. Tony huffed hearing his mother rush through the halls waking his younger siblings up for school. She had skipped his door luckily and he could hear her in the kitchen talking to his father. He sighed he knew that she'd catch him fake sleeping soon enough.

He sat up the pillow falling onto his lap and his hair sticking up in all directions. He pushed his hair back and slipped out of bed his steps careful. His mother shouted something in Spanish he couldn't make out so he shrugged and started digging around for an outfit. He stopped when he came across a letter that Hannah had written to him just days before she killed herself. He grabbed it and opened it gently.

Dear, Tony it's Hannah Baker, you know the girl who killed herself. I'm writing this for your eyes only and I hope you keep your promise. I need to let you know I did this because everything was crumbling and I couldn't handle it anymore. I was tired and life had become too much. I'm telling you this because you were the only one nice to me when I was at my worst. I know you're mad at me for betraying you I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Please find your happiness because you out of all the people in this awful town deserve it.
Sincerely, Hannah Baker.

Tony sighed and folded it back up. He hid it under his clothes and shut his eyes hoping to block out the sea of thoughts that were rushing to his head. He had to admit she was right. Before she had killed herself he befriended her hoping to help her through her rough time, but as they got closer so did she and Clay. Tony had told her the night before Jess was raped about his feelings for Clay and Hannah had disregarded them and made out with Clay anyway. Tony was hurt and they both knew it.

He still never found out why she did but he was glad he hadn't ended up in one of her tapes. Don't get him wrong he still felt horribly guilty about being pissed at her just not as guilty as the thirteen people on those tapes. Tony huffed and slipped on acceptable clothes for school not sporting his usual leather jacket and combat boots. He left his hair natural no longer caring about how others saw him at least not for today. Instead he decided he'd wallow in his self pity all day and no one was going to stop him.

~*~

Clay couldn't focus not in class, lunch, or even study hall. Every time he tried to focus his mind just went back to Tony. How he was brave enough to admit his feelings or how he would laugh at something Clay said or even how he helped Clay when he didn't have to. Clay felt terrible and not because he didn't like Tony back, god no, it was because he was scared of his own feelings.

He couldn't even imagine coming out to his mother and father as bisexual. His father probably already figured it out, but still. He didn't have the guts to do it. He sighed and looked up at the clock on the wall. He still had another forty minutes of class and all he could think about was Tony.

Clay hadn't seen Tony all day and it was so unlike Tony to skip a day of school even when he was sick. He hoped Tony was okay and that he was at school. He looked over at the teacher who was ranting about a math equation and honestly he just wished his brain would pay attention to the teacher. He knew what he had to do, but he was way too scared to do it.

He looked over at the door and sighed knowing well enough he needed to collect his thoughts. He raised his hand gaining a heavy sigh from his teacher.

"Yes? Clay." His teacher raised an eyebrow.

"May I use the bathroom?" Clay really hoped he could he needed to just walk around for a bit.

"My pass is right there." He pointed at the pass hanging on the door.

Clay nodded and stood up ignoring the stares from the other students. He slipped through the door and started walking towards the bathroom. As soon as he made it to the restroom he turned and went up the stairs deciding he wouldn't be back for a while. The school was quiet except for the occasional voice from inside a classroom and Clay felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. He just needed some time to think.

He turned the corner tempted to put his headphones on but decided not to. He couldn't bare listening to Hannah again just the thought of it sent shivers down his spine. Clay stopped walking and looked at one of the many posters about suicide. He felt anger boil within him he just didn't understand how no body else in school cared enough about what happened to Hannah.

He sighed and looked away ready to make his way back to class when he saw a frozen Tony standing a couple feet away. Tony stood there with his mouth slightly open and his eyebrows raised. Clay stuttered lost for words. Was he ready to talk to Tony? Would he ever be ready to talk to Tony? Tony started walking towards Clay, but Clay took two steps back still hesitant. Tony stopped before sighing and turning away he waved at the other boy as he sprinted down the stairs. Clay felt as if his heart was going to explode out of his chest he wasn't ready.