Finding Contentment

Part One

6 months later
Tom's POV

I turn over in bed and wrap my arm around my wife as she sleeps. I stare at her beautiful face, noticing the worry lines are less visible, she actually looks peaceful. It's hard to believe this is the same woman that is full of anger and depression when she's awake. I run my finger down her face, she stirs slightly but falls back to sleep quickly. As I continue to study her face, I have an over whelming  urge to kiss her resting lips. I lean in and ghostly brush her lips with mine. The human contact is almost too much to bare. It's been so long since she has allowed me to kiss her, let alone hold her hand or wrap my arms around her.

I can feel my arousal building as I start to kiss down her jaw to her neck. Suddenly her eyes shoot open and she firmly places her hand on my chest and pushes me back. "Tom, stop it!" I sit up in the bed and push the plush comforter off me. "Bre, what's so wrong with your husband wanting to be close to you?" She lets out a strangled huff and gets out of bed. "I have a busy day today, and you woke me up, I could have slept another half an hour." It's my turn to get out of bed in an angry hurry. "What does your "busy" day entail? Laying on the couch all day, ignoring your friends and family, calling me names, pushing me away, never letting me be intimate with you? That's not a busy day, BreAnna, that's sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, which you have every right to do, but I lost our little girl too, we need to support one another, talk to each other, I need you, BreAnna. Please come back to me!" She walks into the bathroom and turns the shower on, then turns to look at me. "Everytime I look at you, I can see it, I can see that you blame me for Maddie's death, and I blame myself. Therefore, I don't deserve happiness, I should have died, not our sweet baby." Tears are now running down both of our faces, I move closer to her, I hold my hand out for her to take into hers, but she ignores it and backs up a bit. "Bre, baby, I don't blame you, it was a horrible accident. You were an amazing mum, I know it's to soon to talk about having another baby, but when we do, I have no question what kind of mum you'll be." She removes her short silk robe and steps into the shower. "Tom, I will never have another child, you can just put that idea to bed right now." With that, our conversation comes to an end and of course without any resolve.

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Two weeks later

"How are you and BreAnna doing? I haven't heard you say much about things lately." I give my Co Star a shrug and try to play it off. "Things are fine, Regan, we're taking one day at a time." She nods thoughtfully and lays her hand on my hand that's resting on my knee. "Tom, you know I'm here if you need to talk? I don't care if it's the middle of the night." I give her a small smile and remove her hand off mine kindly. "I really appreciate that, I'll keep that in mind."

I hate to say it and I would never admit it to BreAnna, but filming away from home for a couple of months is like a breathe of fresh air. I don't feel like I'm suffocating on sadness every minute of the day. I mean I'm still distraught over the death of Maddie, but I have to be around people at times that don't bring me down into a cesspool of grief. Regan has been a true friend, she listens, takes me out for a pint from time to time and makes me laugh. BreAnna doesn't laugh anymore, we haven't had sex since before Maddie died. I long for attention, a loving gesture. I have discussed the lack of intimacy with Regan and she tries to reassure me things will get better, and try to be patient with her.

The weekend is approaching and I thought about traveling home for two days. I ring BreAnna on the phone Hey darling, I was thinking of coming home for a couple of days this weekend." I hear nothing but silence for maybe thirty second. "You don't have to do that Tom, might be better if you stay in France. I let out a loud sigh. "I miss you, Bre, we could go out to dinner, see a movie. Your choice baby. I just want us to be together." Again another silence before she speaks again. "I'm not up to that, promise me you will just stay where you are, okay? I want to argue but I know there's no use. "Okay, BreAnna, I won't come home." I hear what seems like a sigh of relief as she tells me goodbye.

I end the call with BreAnna and quickly dial another number. "Hello? The sleepy voice says from the other end. "Regan, how about going for a drink?"