I watch as everyone walks
I look to their faces
Everyone has judging eyes
The words they say are worse than their eyes
For each hurtful word I know that my numbness spreads a little more
Anorexic they whisper as my toes become numb
Boney one says as I loss feeling in my fingers
Stretch marks someone shouts as I no longer feel anything up to my calves
Thigh gap another screeches as I loss feeling in my arms
Scars three join together as I fall to the floor
Skin and bones some chant as I pull my legs tight to my chest
Without their words I already feel the pain of them
I see triggers everywhere
When I look like a bum I punish myself for looking bad
Looking bad is a trigger
When wearing sweatpants one mean word could make me cry
I notice when I get worse
Little things become big
Stealing my food could make me break down
One comment to me could make me go home and look at my draw
Sometimes I wait for things to get bad
Sometimes I want things to get worse so I have a reason
A reason to do the things I do
A reason to blame all this pain on
A reason for my marks
A reason for my tears
A reason for all of it
Triggers are things to avoid that you can't
-homegirl Jade
