The Mindset of Emile Lockery

January 23, 1856

                   Master TomFord has been really strict and angry this past week. He keeps hovering around us like some worried mother except he's barking at us to pick up the pace. I think it's because of a slave rebellion in North Carolina. He called Earl (Tommy's father), Jackie, James, Ben, and Mama into his office. They were in there for an hour. Mama, Jackie, and Ben went straight to Ben's cabin afterwards, Mama looking like she was gonna have a panic attack. I'm sorry to say I eavesdropped, but sometimes it's necessary. But what they talked about was beyond comprehension, and much to my dismay, about me.

"This can't be happening!" Mama shrieked.

"Shush! You want people to hear us?" scolded Jackie.

"But it's getting closer! What if what happened with 15 years ago happens again? I won't stand for it!" I could hear crying. My heart was breaking, yet I was also confused and angry. Who were these people? Other slaves? "Emile can't know anything," Mama said.

"She won't," replied Jackie.

"This isn't right Roslyn," Ben said.

"This is my choice and she WILL not know about any of this," Mama replied. I left at that point and came down to the bank of the river. Big, loud, and wet, tears were streaming down my face. Excuse my french, but what the hell were they talking about and why can't I know?! I immediately pulled my diary of the tree trunk here at the river bank and started writing. I've been here for the past half-hour now and I've made up my mind. I'm going to confront them tomorrow and demand the truth. I'm not a little girl anymore. I deserve the truth.

Emile Lockery