Parallels | Dylan O'Brien

18 - Focus, Unfocus

Los Angeles -Dylan O'Brien-

Her words kept repeating themselves in my head the whole night. I still can't believe she snapped at me. There must be a reason why she snapped. People don't just snap like that. Something must've been going on. Something must've happened, whether it was in her head or something else. I could just tell by her eyes something was wrong. It was as if her head was saying something else than her heart, like they hadn't caught up to one another yet. The video Holland had send me, I swore I heard her say 'brown eyes' instead of green. I swore, something in her was thinking about me. But then again, there are other guys with brown eyes too.
It's six am when I decide to leave. I hadn't slept at all since she snapped at me. The others, however, they were sleeping like babies, including Lydia. I look at her sleeping face. She looks peaceful, almost angelic. I've been in love with another version of her, but seeing this face makes me realize how I attracted I feel to both versions. I sigh deeply before getting up. She doesn't look too comfortable propped up against the couch. I go over the choices I can make: I pick her up and put her in her bed or I can just leave her there and go home. My eyes scan her face. What should I do?
"Mmh, fuck," I mumble out loud. My eyes scan the sleeping faces of the others, making sure they're still asleep before I pick her up. Very carefully like she's a porcelain doll and bring her to her room. She's a very steady sleeper, I must say. As carefully as I picked her up, I put her down on her bed and tuck her in. Something keeps me here, by her side. Something in me tells me to stay and to watch her until she wakes up. Although that would be creepy, and she'll definitely have a go at me again.  My fingers comb through her long hair. I really want to stay, I do. But I just don't think she wants me to. I take a look at her palms like I wanted to do before and I notice the scratches and the dried-up blood she didn't wash off. Why did she do that?

"Oh, Lydia..." I whisper before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her forehead, "I wish you would just tell me what's going on in that pretty mind of yours," my voice breaks a little, but I pick myself up again. I'm not going to cry over a girl. Not again. I think I've done plenty of that. Like with Britt. She's one of the many mistakes I made. I remember meet her for the first time on the shoot of our movie 'The First Time' and I remember thinking what a cool chick she was. So down to earth and chill. Time has proved me otherwise.
"She's scared," I hear someone whisper, and I'm certain it's not Lydia. I turn my head to the source of the sound and see the other strawberry blonde girl in my life. She steps closer to me, her arms crossed. I notice her messy hair and sleepy eyes, but I don't say anything about it. "She's scared of being happy," she tells me softly, looking at the sleeping girl on the bed, "She seems fearless, and she probably is, but when it comes to love, she's the most scared little puppy you've ever met," she takes a sharp breath before continuing, "I know that look on her face she gave you earlier. I know she's scared of admitting to her own feelings for you, Dyl," I step closer to Holland now too, confused about what she's telling me.
"Why is she so certain I'm like the other guys? Why is she certain I'll hurt her?" I ask, my voice still just above a whisper. "I'm not like the other guys she's met."
"I know that, Dyl. She's just been hurt before and she knows she'll get hurt again. Every time something went right for a while, every time she was happy, something would happen and take it all away from her. She's scared of getting happy because it'll get taken away from her. She likes you, but she just needs time to see that you're not going to break her heart. She'll get there eventually, you just need to give her time and not try too hard," I slowly nod my head, understanding what she's telling me, just uncertain.
"How do you know that? Did she tell you?" I question, and Holland laughs softly, shaking her head. She places a hand on my shoulder as if comforting me.
"No, we're girls, Dylan, we don't need to tell each other how we feel. We just know," I give her a thankful smile, still uncertain of what to do with that information. "Now go home, Dyl. You have to get to work," I nod again and want to walk towards the door, but something holds me back. Or someone. I look at her on the bed and debate whether or not to listen to Holland.
"I'll stay here and take care of her, and I'll call you when there's something wrong," she says like she can read my mind, "I promise," I nod again and take one more look at Lydia before leaving her bedroom. Holland follows me and then watches as I put on my shoes and grab my stuff. My eyes dart over to the bedroom door I'd just come out of.
"Dyl," Holland whispers, capturing my attention, "Get your butt to work," she commands, giving me a rather stern look.
"Fine," I mumble and kiss her on the cheek before rushing out of the apartment. I drive my car home, but I zone out during the drive. I want Lydia to stop being scared. I want her to tell me how she really feels and what I can do to help her stop being scared.
Somehow, I make it home alive. I didn't even notice we had reached my street yet, but I guess there's a lot I don't notice lately. I go inside and take a quick shower before getting ready to get to work. I don't even know what we're doing today. A table read, I guess. When I'm ready, I hop into my car again and drive off to the studios, this time, I pay attention to the road. This is going to be a long day of anticipation for a call from Holland. Or Lydia. It's going to be a long day of wanting to be back with her. With Lydia.

During the table read, I got distracted by my own thoughts that I missed a couple of my lines, causing everyone to groan and start from the top. I'm not doing a good job of keeping my gig. I just can't help but think about Lydia and what I can do to help her.
"All right, let's take a break," the director tells us and that's when I take the oportunity to text Holland if Lydia is awake already.

To Holland: is she awake yet???

I glance at the time on my phone. It's eleven am. Great. I think I might be stuck here for a while if I keep messing up my lines.
"Dylan, are you alright?" Skyler, the screenwriter of the movie asks me. Her dark locks shine in the artificial lights of the studio. She used to be one of my sister's friends, but they kind of stopped seeing each other when Skyler moved to LA too.
"Yeah, uh, I'm fine," I tell her and try to smile to convince her. I clasp onto my phone, trying to get myself from going crazy.
"If you were fine, I don't think you'd be crushing your phone like that," she points out. I look at my hand, my knuckles turning white. "Tell me, Dylan," she whispers, putting a hand on my shoulder. I sigh in defeat. Maybe telling someone might calm me down. I nod, and she leads me somewhere a little quieter.
"You remember Lydia from high school and college?" I ask her softly, trying to keep my breathing normal. This situation is giving me anxiety I'd only ever experience when playing Stiles. Never had I had a panic attack besides that one episode in Teen Wolf where I had to have one. I'm not planning on having one myself right now.
"Yeah," Skyler replies softly, her hand rubbing my shoulder.
"Remember how I had a crush on her?" Skyler nods again, her eyes glued on me, "I bumped into her at Comic-Con the other day and we've been kind of hanging out since then. I think I might be falling in love with her again," I tell her softly, hoping no one else would hear.
"That's great, Dyl!" she says excitedly, but her smile falters when she sees me frown.
"Yeah, if I knew how she felt. She kind of snapped at me last night and I don't know what it means, to be honest," I don't know why I'm spilling my guts to one of my sister's friends. I know I'm not telling the whole truth, but I don't think she needs to know that part. This part is already bad enough.
"Well, maybe you should try and talk to her. Girls are all about words, but even more so about actions. If they tell you to leave you alone, don't. Stalk them, if nessecary, but never do what they tell you, okay? She might get pissed at you at first, but I'm certain she'll appreciate it," Skyler rambles and in some way, it makes sense.
"Thanks, Sky," I whisper, and she nods, giving me a friendly smile.
"Any time, Dyl. Now, get your butt on your chair again and try to at least get some of the lines right? I didn't write them for you to fuck them up," she chuckles a little and it makes me laugh too. We get back to our seats and we start where we left off. Telling Skyler most of my problems has really lifted a weight off my shoulders. My mind is somewhat clear again and I'm able to focus. Let's get this over with.

From Holland: yeah, I'm taking her to the mall and try to talk to her.

From Holland: i think it might be better to leave her alone for a while. She's not up for anything today. Bitch nearly slapped me.

I want to snap at Holland for calling Lydia a bitch, but I guess she holds an informed opinion on it. I'm grateful that Holland has spent so much time with Lydia, considering how rude the girl used to be when she first got here. I've kind of seen Lydia grow over the past few weeks. With the photographer and the late-night Teen Wolf marathons. She's shown me a good side of her and I'm planning to somehow bring that side up again. I don't know when or where, but I will. I'll find a way.

I go home after the table read and decide to make myself some dinner before settling onto the sofa. We'll be shooting our first few scenes tomorrow night, so I might as well go to sleep early. I'm going to need all the rest I can get. Or maybe staying up late might give me some ideas on how to get to Lydia and how to get her good side out. I'm positive I will at some point. There must be a way to get to her heart, right? To make her comfortable with feeling happy again and maybe she'll fall in love with me too, because dear, I've got it bad. Really bad. It wasn't even this bad with the other Lydia nor with Britt. This is completely new. Completely different, but I'm willing to find out what it is exactly.