I wish I had never met you. Then there would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No need for forgotten promises. No need for rejected hugs. No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for acting like you care. No need, for everything you've done to feel absolutely nothing.
-N.A.
Listen to Drowning
by The Eden Project
Glass.
The word that can be so easily rolled off the tongue and say so much.
Cutting. Like a dagger going through your heart. But if you were me, your heart was made out of glass. The fragile pieces it took years to glue back together. But so did it to break it.
The recurrence of glass crosses my mind every now and again. Maybe the sound of the clean clear windshield being broken at the sudden impact and smashed into a million little pieces, a sound that haunts my dreams. Or the blood gushing out of my head from multiple pieces of glass. But then again, glass will be glass. Like the crystal clear door I stand in front of. Waiting for the familiar grey Ford Fusion to appear in my driveway, with Sabrina, my friend since she arrived at the front doors of BrickWood High two years ago, honking the car horn and waving a hand at me. I slip out the door, yelling a quick "Bye mom," as I do. Somehow Senior year was the best and worst year of my life. Okay maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it sure wasn't as bad as I put it out to be. My weekend was like every other weekend. Boring and slow. Sabrina hung out with me but we were on to different levels. She could flash one smile and she looks like a model. I open the car door, plopping down in the seat and slamming it back shut.
Of course, since Sabrina is being Sabrina, she says,"What are you wearing?" Everyday it's a never ending occurrence. I get in her car and looks me up and down and asks the same exact question. This morning, like every morning, after getting ready I stand in the mirror and look at myself. My blue ripped denim pants and plain white hoodie was enough for me. Going fine with my light brown roots gradually fading into blonde and big brown eyes. I roll my eyes at her, a bad habit. Thus the drive to school begins, with me feeling the ever so casual company of her and I assume she feels the same.
Pulling up to BrickWood High I notice how many people there are. My anxiety acts as if I have one hour and 28 minutes to read all of PIE. Never ending. Stepping into the outside gives me a reason to play with my necklace. Swinging the charm back and forth on the chain with my fingers. To many conversations to focus on. Regulating the amount of eyes staring at one and other. So many. Too many. Distracted in my own thoughts, I don't notice Sabrina waltzing through the doors without me. Someone hoots at me than winks. That's what I get for wearing skinny jeans and a hoodie that doesn't cover my ass. I run after Sabrina, dropping everything in the process after bumping into the one and only Harrison Nicholes. The most extremely gorgeous male I've laid eyes on. Maybe it was his piercing blue eyes, something intriguing but scary about them. Or his perfectly fallen light brown hair. Not to forget about his muscular body and flashy smile. I pick up my books, getting shuffled around the hallway and return to Sabrina. She smirks at me,"So, what happened with you and lover boy back there?" She wiggled her eyebrows up and down.
"Other than me being a complete cults, nothing," she turns away from me and opens my locker. I shove all my books in, loading up my backpack for the next four periods. When I look back at Sabrina, she's already gone. Slamming my locker, I head off to first hour. History.
•••
First and second hour go by as usual. But a feeling in the pit of my stomach says things are about to get so much more interesting. Science. The least favorite of all my classes. Ever since dissecting frogs in eighth grade, the experience had been ruined. Luckily the teacher, Mr. Fatcherson, was cool and composed. Sitting beside no one may have been the biggest mistake of them all. Harrison strutted in with his posse of friends and glanced around the room, his eyes landing on me than the seat next to me. His eyes were addictive. The sharp piercing color made my face heat and they were like an ocean, that I was slowly drowning in. And they were definitely cutting me like glass.
