Us, to nowhere

•33•

I got up in a jerk, hoping that it was just a bad dream, a terrible terrible dream. It wasn't. Guess some nightmares don't end when you wake up. It's been three days. It's just been three days that I haven't gone to school, I haven't talked to him or anyone. It's been three days since I got up from my bed. I couldn't stop thinking about him. About everything going on. And with every passing thought, with every tear shed, memories started rushing.

•••

Ian helped me get through the days post breakup. I couldn't have dealt with it alone. Faye wasn't coming to school and I wasn't exactly allowed at her house. Every time I'd go to her house, her mother would say she doesn't wish to see me. I was devastated, fucking torn apart. It had been three days that I'd seen her face, felt her body and kissed her lips. I actually started to realise that I'm sucking without her. And if it wasn't enough, Paige kept pestering me. I didn't tell her about the breakup though, she would get extra happy and that's the last thing I want. Faith blocked me on social media. I couldn't call her because it would go straight to voice mail. Although, out of nowhere, Delilah texted me. She asked me to come meet her. I was so mad at her but then, I didn't see the point. She did what she thought was right for Faye and I should be thanking her for that.

"Listen, I just wanted to say that I am very sorry."

"Don't be."

"No, I should have given you more time."

"Probably, but then she would've been equally hurt."

"How are you holdin' up?"

"The truth is, very sucky. I just lost the love of my life, how do you think I am holding up?"

"Again, I am very sorry."

"Delilah?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you do me a favour?"

"Yeah, anything."

"Please tell her, that I love her no matter what. Tell her that everytime, I see those beautiful eyes, I'll fall below them. Tell her that I know she's hurt, but ask her not to hate me, because I won't be able to survive this if she hates me."

She hugged me and whispered in my ear, "I will. Don't worry."

•••

The next day, I wore my fake smile, and I showed up to school pretending I was doing just fine. I guess it was because the the tears, I managed to hold them up. I had Chemistry together with him not to mention the fact that people thought we were still together. I had to spread the news, but how? The thought of dating someone else did cross my mind but I couldn't do that to Alex let alone me.
I went to the class a little late just to find every seat taken and my real place was in front of Alex. He kept staring at me while I was struggling to find a vacant seat. If only someone would switch places with me. I was going to leave the class but Mr.Martin had already come.

"Going somewhere Miss.Allen?" He asked.

"Um."

"Do I need to remind you that your last Chemistry exam was horrendous?"

"No, I am sorry. I will just find a seat."

"There's your usual place, in front of Mr.Flynn."

"Yeah. May I?" I asked Alex.

"Yeah, sure. Help yourself."

"Okay, class. Homework." Mr.Martin said towards the end of the class. "Look behind everyone. These are your chemistry partners."
Great, it's me and Alex. I banged my head on the desk. This was the worst day to come to school.
He left the class and I found him near his locker.

"Hey, um Alex."

"Oh my god, Faye."

"For the last time it's Faith."

"Mkay."

"We need to talk about us being chemistry partners."

"Can we please talk later? I need to attend this class. It is math."

"Okay, and I need my house keys back."

"I can stop by your house later."

"I don't think..."

"It's for a project, and I don't have them right now, I'll give them to you when I come home."

"Um, okay."

"Okay, I'll see you later. Bye, I love you." He kissed me and went. Even though, it wasn't tongue, he did.

•••

When I sat on my place, I realised what I had done. I realised that I said the thing that I practically wanted to say since the day we broke up. I also realise that I kissed her. Oh my god, this isn't going to end well.

•••

While going home, I bumped into Paige, literally the last person I wanted to see.

"Oh, Faith. Hey."

"Hi Paige."

"Where's Alex?"

"Seriously?"

"What?"

"You don't know?"

"I don't know what?"

"Alex and I broke up."

"Oh."

"Let's not pretend that this isn't the best day of your life."
I went right past her after that snarky comment.
I sat on bed and thought about how good that "I love you" and that kiss felt. But also how he wasn't supposed to do that. I opened my books and hoped to study but I couldn't. I was unable to concentrate. I stared at my books and kept staring until someone knocked on the door.
"Mom, open the door." She didn't give any response. "Mom? Aren't you home." The bell kept ringing. "Argh, I am coming. Just a second."

"Faith, it's me."

"Of course, it's you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

"Listen, I am sorry. I wasn't supposed to say all that and kiss you, too."

"No, you weren't supposed to do that."

"I am sorry."

"You just don't get it, do you?"

"Don't get what?"

"That sorry doesn't change everything. I would've forgiven you for sleeping with a random human but you go and sleep with a girl that left you so broken. What the hell am I supposed to think? That after all that you don't have feelings for her? And let's just say hypothetically, I forgive you, and we are back, I'll never be able to trust you the same way I did, and we'll fight twice as more, and it will worsen, day by day."

"Baby, she doesn't, and it won't worsen."

"Save it. You know I am trying to forget you and you just come in and kiss me."

"Why are you trying to forget me?"

"Because we broke up."

"Don't try to forget me. I will not let you."