Chicago High

Alive, But Barely Breathing

Will Halstead shuffled in through the back door of his home. He knew his father would be in the hospital visiting his mother, which was his only responsibility lately since he'd recently lost his job. It was a shitty environment around their new house, it barely fit the three of them comfortably, but they somehow had enough room to avoid each other. Will's room was originally meant to be a small study, but since they didn't have many options in their price range, it was either sleep in there or bunk in with his older brother, someone he couldn't stand.

Jay had always been a good brother to him, as long as Will acted the way he wanted him to, when he didn't Will became enemy number 1. He didn't understand why his brother was so messed up, why he always looked down on him, judging his every action. It got old real quick and now Will didn't give him a chance to have an opinion. They didn't talk, barely acknowledged the other even existed lately. Their new school was so run down, the teaching staff hardly noticed whether or not he was attending classes anyway, which he wasn't currently doing. He had a few hours before Jay would realise he wasn't in school and would rush home ready to scold him for it, which was why Will had it all worked out, he would sneak back into the school grounds just before the final bell and Jay wouldn't have a clue.

He set up his Xbox with the television and walked back through to the small kitchen, where he made himself a bowl of popcorn, something he wouldn't get to do if his brother was home. Jay hated the smell of cooking popcorn, always complained that it made the whole house smell. Will couldn't care less what Jay wanted.

He set himself up on the couch, feet propped up against the coffee table, he jumped up as soon as he heard a key in the front door. It was barely 12 pm, so he knew it couldn't be goody two shoes coming home from school. It didn't take him long to aim the remote at the television to switch it off, and duck across the room to dart up the staircase. He had a view from the very top step, could see glimpses of his old man taking off his coat and scarf, murmuring something the youngest Halstead couldn't work out. He watched as his father leant across and pressed a kiss to the lips of a woman who had been out of his view until then. The lips did not belong to his mother, a white woman who could barely breathe on her own. This woman was a stranger and Will had no idea what to do. He moved quickly down the hallway and closed his door quietly behind himself. Jay would be crushed, his mother would be distraught. He wished he'd just stayed in school, maybe this was his punishment for skipping.

Jay didn't wait for Will after school, instead, he walked Gabby home in the cold. Her parents were both working and Antonio was at the academy. This wasn't a habit he intended on sticking to, he didn't want her parents thinking he was the kind of guy who would sneak around with their daughter behind their backs. This was his way of being a gentleman, walking his girlfriend to her front door, politely accepting an offer to come inside for hot chocolate, that really ended up a make-out session in the kitchen after he reached for the marshmallows, and ended up leaning in for a kiss instead.

"I have to go home to work on my biology paper," Jay told her once he could finally come up for some air. Gabby played with the scarf that was hanging around his neck, looking up into his bright eyes. "Is that your way of telling me you need to cool off?" She asked with amusement.

Jay laughed and shook his head. "No, trust me. I would love nothing better than to spend the rest of my afternoon kissing you, but I don't exactly trust Erin to write her half of the paper, so I have to put in an effort." He said to her before catching her lips with his own, his version of an apology.

She understood him then, knowing Erin wasn't exactly known for her attentiveness. She didn't really blame the girl, she came from a messed up family, not that she knew the details, she'd just heard rumours really. "Go and write your paper." She said to him, giving his hands a gentle squeeze, loving the fact that he wasn't pulling away just yet.

Jay kissed her lips a couple more times, he did feel bad but the weekend was coming up and he would make it up to her then. Ever since he'd come over for dinner, things had been non-stop for the couple, they'd spent every possible moment together, Jay was smitten, and Gabriella was head over heels. Her mother was sure it was going too fast, but Papa Dawson was just happy his daughter had good taste, he liked a man with life plans, someone who could look after his little girl. Jay's father had no idea his son had a girlfriend or any form of a social life. He was too busy with his own life, which Will was now well aware of. The three Halstead men were all living separate lives underneath the same roof, something Mrs Halstead would be horrified to find out about.

Jay had decided to go and see his mother. He didn't know why he hadn't been open about it with his girlfriend, but a part of him thought that he wouldn't go through with it if he said it out loud. It didn't take him very long to get to the hospital on the city bus. He didn't like hospitals, it made him feel bad for everyone who was sick or injured, made him wish he could help in some way. He couldn't and that made him feel worse. The nurses who recognised his face didn't say much but he could tell from their faces that they were pleasantly surprised by his visit.

He didn't like the sight of her frail body, but there he stood in the doorway of her room, between the brightness of the hallway, and the darkness she surrounded herself in. "Mom. It's me, Jay." He said softly, closing the door behind himself. It took him a moment to push himself into walking over to her bedside. She looked a lot worse compared to the last time he'd been around to see her, in fact, the last time he'd been there, he'd hidden behind his father, tried to keep himself from getting too upset over everything that was going on. He hated that she was dying, hated that he didn't know how to deal with it. Things at home were falling apart, so he believed that he needed to keep himself together in front of her.

"It's good to see you." She managed to croak out, moving to try and sit up. He shook his head and sat down, his hand covered hers on the bed, a small smile ran across his lips.

"It's good to see you too. I've missed you." He said to her, noticing the coldness of her skin against his sweaty fingers. "I'm sorry it took so long, I've been busy with school." He said weakly, knowing that she could probably see right through that excuse.

"I haven't visited you either, we're even." She said with a small laugh, wanting to see her boy smiling again. She hated the worry on his brow, the way he looked so scared and out of reach. She wanted her boys to know that this wasn't the end, even if she couldn't fight anymore, she wanted them to be the best versions of themselves, to be strong and brave.

Jay did his best to fill her in on everything going on in his life, he didn't mention the distance between the three people she left at home. He told her about Gabby and Erin who he really did have to write a paper for, he wasn't entirely lying to Gabby about that. He watched as she smiled at his every word, asked questions about his new school, and listened to him talking about his girlfriend. She was happy for him, happy to be able to listen to the parts of his life she wouldn't get to see.

"I love you." She told him, minutes before he was expected to leave. The nurses had already warned him that visiting hours were ending, and Jay felt disappointed about having the cut his visit so short. He kissed her forehead carefully before squeezing her frail hands in his own strong grip. "I love you too, mom, I'll visit you again soon. I promise."

It took every ounce of strength he had in himself to not turn back once he had left her room. He felt himself tearing up as he slipped his arms into his jacket sleeves. He didn't think it was fair that somebody so important could be given such a shitty ending.

"Jay!" Erin called out from behind him. She was sitting in the waiting room of another ward Jay was walking past. He wiped away the stray tears and turned towards her.

"What are you doing here?" He asked her curiously, walking towards her.

"My stupid mom overdosed again, I'm waiting for her stomach to be pumped so I can take her home, and make up an excuse as to why the state can't send me into foster care, you know, the usual." She said with a shrug. She placed the magazine she had been flicking through down on the table and looked up at him with fresh eyes. "What are you doing here?" She asked in return, noticing how visibly upset he was.

"My mom, she lives here." He said softly. "Or she's dying here."